Anger Management Tips

Use the following guidelines given in this article to help you identify the feeling of anger, and respond appropriately to it.

1 – Identify Anger

Sometimes when you become angry it just seems to sneak up on you, and before you know it, you are in a full blown rage.

So learn to identify the feeling of anger as early as possible, as this will make it far easier to deal with.

2 – Remember The Meaning Of Anger

Anger tells you that what you are experiencing is unfair, could possibly harm you and you should take action to make it right. Anger generates motivational energy, which you can use to make things fair or safe.

3 – Identify What Is Causing Your Anger

Anger comes as a result of something which goes against your expectations (how you thought things would be), your beliefs (how you think things should be) and your current mood.

Ask yourself questions such as:

“Is my anger coming as a result of someone doing wrong against me, or someone/something I care about?”

“Is my anger coming as a result of me being unwilling to change my mind about something?”

“Am I feeling angry because I have been in a bad mood all day?”

“Am I angry because I feel physically threatened?”

4 – Do Something To Stop Your Anger

Use these three steps to determine how you should respond to your anger.

A) Is what you think about the situation correct? For example, is it really unfair?

B) If the situation is unfair, find a way to make it fair. This is what your anger is trying to communicate to you.

C) If you can’t make the situation fair, practice forgiveness.

Anger Management Analysis

If you look at these guidelines you can see that in the first step you are questioning your perceptions.

By allowing yourself to think logically about something, you give yourself the opportunity to question the situation and determine whether or not you should be feeling angry.

In some cases you may discover that what you thought was happening was incorrect, and so will be able to neutralise your anger before it can progress any further. 

This is an extremely important step, because if you remember what I said in the last article, the sooner you deal with anger the easier it will be to control.

If possible, allow yourself some time to “cool down”, as it is much harder to think logically when you are full of anger. A good way to do this is to immediately do something else to distract yourself from your anger.

Usually you will find that once you have calmed down a bit, you will start thinking differently about the situation. By carrying out this step, you will also reduce the likelihood that you will do something you later regret.

Get A Different Perspective

Calming down is easier said than done, and for some people it can take quite a long time before they are able start to thinking clearly.

In cases like this, it’s always a good idea to get someone else’s view on the situation, as their thinking will not have been clouded by anger.

Their view on the situation may then change how you view the situation, which could help to dispel your anger.

You might then for example discover that the reason you were feeling angry, was because you had a long day and were tired.

If anyone has ever been angry at you and then apologised shortly afterwards, then you know first hand how a change in perspective can affect someone’s anger.

Unfair Situations

Unfortunately not all situations are fair, and there will likely be times in your life when someone genuinely does something unjust or harmful towards you.

The anger you experience as a result of this injustice, still holds the same message; do something to make the situation fair or right.

However at this point you have to be very careful about how you choose act, because as you saw with the crimes of passion we discussed in the previous article, it is far easier to respond to anger in a destructive way than it is a constructive way.

Ultimately how you choose to respond will be up to you, and dependent upon the situation you are in. But here are some ideas as to how you could appropriately respond to your anger.

Make Your Anger Known

Let the other person know that what they are doing is wrong, or harming you in some way. Sometimes people don’t realise they are making you angry, and will stop when you tell them about it.

Tell Someone With Authority

Venting your anger out at someone usually has no effect on reversing the situation, and in most cases will only make things worse.

If you are able to coherently express the reason for your anger to an authority figure, or someone who has the power to change the situation, the result of your anger is much more likely to be constructive.

Practice Forgiveness

Sometimes there is nothing you or anyone else can do to resolve the situation. For example, something may have happened to you in the past which you are angry about, but now it is too late for you to do anything.

In cases like this, the only way to resolve your anger is to practice forgiveness. However some people may find it hard to forgive others for past wrongs, because they feel that if they forgive they will loose out in some way.

If you have difficulty in forgiving others, use the following guidelines to make it easier for you.

The Other Person Doesn’t “Win”

Understand that forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean the other person will benefit, or be “let off the hook”.

You Don’t Have To Like Them

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you like that person, or like what they did.  You can forgive someone without having to tell them you have forgiven them.

You Don’t Have To Forget

When you forgive it doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. Forgetting what happened may cause the same thing to happen to you again.

Storing Past Anger Is Unhealthy

In previous articles we discussed how emotions can be stored in the body, and continually cause it low level stress. Anger is no different.

Harbouring anger or resentment towards others from your past is extremely unhealthy, and may contribute to diseases such as cancer and heart disease.

You Benefit

Think about it, does feeling angry about your past benefit you in any way? What’s the point of getting angry about something you can do nothing about?

By learning to forgive, you release the burden on your body and mind from the anger you have been carrying around for so long. This not only improves your health, but will also improve how you feel about yourself and your life.

A person who is unable to forgive will be much unhappier than someone who can forgive. By holding onto your anger, you allow that past person to negatively affect your present, which means they are also affecting your future.

Put these all together, and you can see how holding onto anger can result in a person negatively affecting your entire life. Is it worth it?

Think About What Happened

Sometimes it is easier to forgive by thinking about the contributing factors that caused your anger. So try thinking about the reasons why something happened like it did.

Summary

Despite what most people think, anger can be a very helpful feeling and should not be ignored. Use the powerful motivation energy anger gives you to make your situation fair and right. But make sure you do so in a constructive way.

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