Building Listening SkillsÂ
- Getting along with other people is crucial in achieving success.
- Improve your listening skills and you will get on with a lot more people.
- Use these 7 listening skills tips to improve your communication with others.
Did you know that around 85% of the problems you experience in life will involve other people? And that the inability to get along with others is the most common reason why people loose their job?
Your ability to get along with other people is therefore the single largest determinate of the success you will experience in life, and something you should make every effort to master.
Listen Up!
One of the best ways to get along with others is simply to listen to what they are saying. Since so few people do this, by improving your listening skills you will automatically give yourself a major advantage when interacting with people.
Here are some quick tips to improve your listening and speaking skills.
Look Them In The Face
Make sure you look as though you are interested in what the speaker is saying. Look at the speakers face, and don’t let your eyes start wandering around the room!
However don’t just blankly stare at them, animate yourself by smiling, nodding or shaking your head when appropriate.
If you have trouble looking someone in the eyes, focus your gaze in the space between the persons eyes, just above the bridge of their nose. This will appear as if you are looking directly into their eyes.
Listen Without Interrupting!
I know someone who interrupts virtually every sentence I speak and it’s very frustrating to say the least! If you have trouble interrupting people, practice the 3 second rule.
When the speaker has finished a sentence, or when you think they have finished, mentally count to 3.
If they haven’t said anything else, then you can speak. Remember a lot of people will pause when they speak, so make sure they have finished before you start!
Pause Before Replying
There is nothing worse than talking to someone, only to hear them ramble on about something completely irrelevant. This gives the impression they are not listening and couldn’t care less what you are saying.
If you pause before responding to what a person has just said, it will have more time to sink in, and your response is likely to be better and more relevant.
Pausing also gives the impression that you are deeply considering what the person has said, and will make the speaker feel that you value what they are saying.
It is also important to pause when you are speaking. This will allow you to catch your breath and improve the other persons understanding of what you are saying. Often pauses are used for effect, such as when making an important statement, or fact.
Match The Tempo
Some people talk really fast, whilst others prefer to talk slowly. Fast talkers and slow talkers do not mix! Fast talkers often find it frustrating talking to slow talkers, and can be impatient waiting for them to finish.
This usually means they aren’t really listening to what is being said and are probably bored at the same time!
Slow talkers can find it difficult talking to fast talkers, because they struggle to keep up with what has been said and as a result will often miss key points.
By matching the tempo of the person you are speaking to, you will not only make that person feel more comfortable talking to you, but you will both better understand what has been said.Â
Repeat It Back
By repeating what the other person has just said, but in your own words, you will give the impression that you clearly understand them.
This will give the speaker confidence in you, especially if they have asked you to do something.
To learn more about this please see this article : Using Reflective Listening Skills
Question For Clarification
In a conversation the person who asks the questions has control. You should therefore make sure that the type of question you ask, is appropriate for the response you want.
For example, if you are trying to find out more information about something, you should ask questions that will require more than one word to answer.
These are known as open ended questions and usually begin with what, where, why, how and when.
If you are trying to get a definite answer, such as getting a person to commit to something, then you should ask closed ended questions that can only be answered with one word, usually yes or no. Does that make sense? (closed question).
Don’t Argue
Arguments begin when two people have different points of view, and is one of the quickest ways to make someone dislike you.
If you know what the other person has said is wrong, avoid the temptation to argue and prove that you are right.
Even if the other person admits you are right, they will secretly resent you for it. So unless it is really important, it’s better just to let it go.
Coming Up In Part 2…
In the next article I will discuss ways in which you can become a person other people will like and want to have around them.
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March 17th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Its sometimes easy to listen, but harder to really hear what they are saying.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Excellent point Larry, understanding what someone is really saying takes a lot of skill and knowledge of body language.
I am currently writing about this now in the “become a people expert” section under “people skills”.
I will be adding more articles to that section later, but for now you may find these articles useful
http://www.eruptingmind.com/importance-non-verbal-communication/
http://www.eruptingmind.com/free-body-language-tips/
March 18th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
We are taught to write, to read, and to speak properly in school, however there are no subjects called “listening”. I took a class in Interpersonal Communications, and had two rules etched into my mind. First, do not speak without thinking. The second and more important is “Listen to what is being said, and do not read more into it”.
For me, when I started writing papers on listening, I found data that says we hear at 4 times that which we speak. This allows us to be formulating our response before the other person has finished talking. Since our brains seem to be so reactive, emotions can set us off coarse where we don’t really hear what is being said.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I’m a business/marketing major and one of the main things that we talk about in most every business situation or class I’m taking is the importance of listening…but not just regular listening, active listening.
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:36 am
seems the’re in common about this topic i just observe too that when somebody talking to me, I hardly cant listen on what his or she’s saying .. I can hear but seems I am gonna be out of my mind” just because you mentioned in the topic that I should probably look to his/her face, based in my observation in my self I always ask to repeat again the procedure due of not active listener the fact is I am always out of my mind I cannot figure out how to be fully understand on how to listen effectively.
July 5th, 2008 at 9:33 am
From what you have said it sounds like you are unable to concentrate on what a person is saying, and as a result are not really understanding what has been said.
There are some things you can try to help you overcome this.
Try listening to people speak around you, such as people on the bus, at work, at school etc… By listening to what people are saying you will help to improve your concentration, by focusing on the words people are saying.
When speaking to someone do the same. Focus on the sound of their voice, their accent, the types of words they use. Become interested in how a person sounds, and how they speak and you will naturally improve your ability to concentrate on what they are saying.
Another thing is to watch less TV and read more. TV is very bad for concentration. Reading will help to improve your concentration, thereby allowing you to focus more clearly on what a person is saying.
When reading, for example this article, read it out loud. This is excellent exercise for the brain, and is also great for your concentration.
If you dont read very much, listen to audio books as these will also be very benefical.
Yes you should look into another persons face when talking with them, as if you are looking elsewhere you will be distracting yourself from the conversation and also showing disinterest in them.
I am not sure what you mean by always being out of your mind? But if you work on improving your concentration, then this should also improve your conversations.
There is more information on active listening here
http://www.eruptingmind.com/reflective-listening/