The Dangers Of Social Conformity

• Most people enter the adult world preprogrammed to conform.
• Conformity can stop you getting what you want out of life.
• Constantly comparing yourself to others can lead to low self esteem.

As a child most of us never had to make any major decisions, adults took that responsibility and made the decisions for us.

Whenever we tried to express our opinion, or our view on something, it was usually not given very much importance. Our parents were the boss, and we either did what they wanted or we would be punished.

In our teenage years of life we began to realise that we would have to decide what was best for us, and could no longer just do everything our parents asked us to.

But for most people, their childhood conformity to their parent’s wishes left them completely unprepared and inexperienced for the adult world they would now enter.

As a result, many people who entered adulthood did so with a belief that in order for other people to like them, they would first have to do things other people liked and agreed with.

In other words, they would have to conform to others, just like they conformed to their parents.

In addition to our childhood programming, the desire to conform is further amplified by our natural tendency to be attracted towards pleasure, and away from pain.

Whereby conformity becomes associated with pleasure through the approval we receive from it, and individuality associated with pain through the lack of approval, or disapproval, we receive from trying to be and express ourselves.

Put both of these factors together (childhood programming + pleasure/pain tendency) and it becomes obvious why many individuals do not express who they really are, and what they really believe in, but instead prefer to be and think like everyone else.

The Dangers Of Conformity

Whilst conformity may sound innocent enough, in reality it is one of the most destructive psychological traits a person could have.

A trait that will ultimately hinder and/or prevent a person from achieving the things they really want out of life.

One of the most destructive aspects of conformity is that it forces people to look to others as a means of receiving approval, thereby forcing them to look away from themselves.

The conformist is therefore always seeking a “pat on the back” from the people they surround themselves with, and by doing so, automatically places control of their self esteem in other people’s hands.

When they do something others approve of they are given a pat on the back, and their self esteem is raised. But when they do something others do not approve of, they are given nothing, and their self esteem plummets.

The conformist therefore has a very fragile and fluctuating state of self esteem, one that is almost entirely controlled by external factors.

As a result, people who are strong conformers often feel a sense of frustration and inadequacy in their life.

Because instead of taking responsibility for the creation of their own success and happiness, they give that responsibility to other people and other things.

What they don’t realise is that by allowing other people to control their life, they will never be able to steer their life in the direction they want it to go.

When this occurs people feel lost, and begin to wonder what their purpose in life really is.

Conformity And Comparison

In order to conform with other people and other ideas, you must first compare yourself to something. This comparison can have three outcomes:

• It makes you feel better, by making you feel superior.
• It makes you feel worse, by making you feel inadequate.
• It does not make you feel better or worse, because you are the same.

Whilst some comparisons do result in you feeling better about yourself, the most common outcome of a comparison is that it makes you feel worse.

This is why people who constantly compare themselves to others tend to have very low self esteem, because most of the time they are made to feel inadequate with who and what they are. 

The only way they feel they can overcome these feelings, is by becoming better than who they originally compared themselves against.

When they do better than someone their self esteem rises, as they have now received a form of self validation that they are the superior one.

However this boost in self esteem is often a temporary one. Because the moment they see someone else who they regard to be superior, they are again made to feel inadequate. And so the whole process begins again.

Self Reliance

A self reliant person does not feel the need to compare themselves with others, or compete with them. They recognise their own unique abilities and skills, and set out to achieve excellence in their own life.

The only person they compete and compare themselves with is themselves, and by doing so, do not allow other people, or other things, to control their level of self esteem.

However it is important to note that being self reliant does not mean you should never seek inspiration and new ideas from other people.

But rather that you do not give these things the power to validate you as a person, and dictate how you feel about yourself.

You should feel good about yourself regardless of what you have or don’t have, because true self esteem can only come from within you.

The moment you allow external influences to control your self esteem by doing things which please or impress other people, is the moment you give up control of your life.

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