Dependency Theory Of Development
- Everyone is born completely dependent on others.
- Some people like being dependent, and remain “big babies” all their life.
- Dependent people live lives controlled by others.
Humans are one of the very few species on Earth, that are born completely dependant on others for survival.
The main reason for this dependency, is because babies are born with a relatively large head in relation to their body size, which causes them to fall over when sitting or trying to walk.
A human baby would therefore have very little chance of surviving if it were not for the help of their parents, who can provide them with shelter and food until they are able to do so for themselves.
The Extension Of Dependency
Unfortunately however, the love of the parents often causes them to inadvertently amplify and reinforce this inbuilt dependency, by doing too much for their child.
The result of this is usually an extension of dependency into the teenage and adult years of life. And this is one of the main reasons why so many people find it hard to become self reliant later in life.
As they become used to their parents providing for them, and telling them what they can and cannot do. If and when they do leave home, they will then expect the same from others.
So unless the child is taught to become self reliant from an early age, and break free from the chains of dependency they were born with, they will always remain their parents “little baby” and always be dependant on those around them.
Are You A Big Baby?
Another reason why overcoming dependency can be difficult, is because the dependant person simply does not want to become self reliant.
They are used to having people do things and make decisions for them, and so become accustomed to that way of life.
Many people find this lifestyle a comfortable one to live, as it means they do not have to worry about anything. As a result, they enjoy their dependency and do not want to let go of it.
People like this are really just big babies, because if they were ever left to fend for themselves, they would find it very difficult to survive without having other people to look after them.
The Shackles Of Dependency
Although the dependent lifestyle may sound attractive to some, in reality it is nothing more than a form of self imposed enslavement.
For if a person is unable to do anything for themselves, then ultimately the life they live becomes entirely dictated by what others are willing, or able, to do for them.
On the other hand, a person who has learnt how to become self reliant, and actively seeks self responsibility in their life, is a much freer person.
They can do things for themselves, and so empower themselves with the ability to do and achieve the things they want in life.
A self reliant person also does not seek other people to lean on, and so can never be let down by others.
They rely on themselves for their welfare, inspiration, love and motivation, and so can never be made to feel hurt, angry or depressed by the people and events that surround them.
With this freedom of choice the comes freedom to act, which in turn allows the self reliant person to confidently face any challenge life throws at them.
Because they realise that the power to overcoming these challenges lies within them, and not with other people or other things.
The Reality Of Self Reliance
Self reliance enables a person to see reality for what it really is, whereas dependency only creates an illusion that is filled with limited possibilities.
By becoming self reliant you can cast aside this illusion, and overcome your avoidance of reality.
Doing so will give you much greater control of your life, and much less worry. Because you will know that you have the power to create and shape your reality, rather than being dependant on others to do it for you.
This is absolute nonsense! People do not continue to be dependent as adults because their parents did everthing for them - that might make them lazy, but not emotionally dependent on others. They continue to be emotionally dependent when they have been forced into independence at a young age. Babies and toddlers need to be dependent physically for survival and also have to filful their need for emotional dependence early in life in order to become secure and confident children, then adults who wish to be independent. I will never ‘do’ everything for my children, but I will definitely be there for them emotionally (without wrapping them in cotton wool) for as long as they need it. My 18 month old is still demand breastfed, co sleeps, is in the care of myself or his Dad 90% of the time and is showing strong signs of independence. I have no doubt he will be a secure, independent child and adult because we have let him be dependent for as long as he needs to be.
Anna,
No one is suggesting that you don’t help your 18 month old child. Please read the rest of the articles within this series as they build upon each other.
Dear Martin, everything you have written in this website is entirely true. And this is coming from a person who has been through it all, read countless self-help books and did allot of self-discovery through meditation!