Developing Real Self Esteem
- Without real self esteem you will never be happy in life.
- Fake self esteem comes from the need for external approval.
- True self esteem is what you think and feel, not what other people think.
Sometimes you see people who appear to have everything, but yet they still experience times of anxiety or depression. They may project the appearance of high self esteem, but in reality it is just an illusion.
A good example of this could include “celebrities”. From a “normal” person’s perspective they appear to have everything.
Yet we still hear stories of celebrities becoming addicted to drugs, suffering from anorexia, depression or even committing suicide.
This shows that without authentic self esteem, all the material goods in the world will never satisfy you.Â
Instead you will be left with varying degrees of anxiety, insecurity and self doubt. A feeling like you don’t belong, like you are lacking something or that something is wrong with you.
This state tends to be painful, and because it is painful people are strongly motivated to evade it, to deny their fears, rationalize their behavior and create the appearance of a self esteem they do not actually possess. This is known as fake self esteem.
What is Fake Self Esteem?                  Â
Fake self esteem is the illusion of self efficacy and self respect without the reality. It is like wearing a mask to cover a face you are ashamed of.Â
By wearing the mask you experience a sense of security and comfort by hiding the real you. However the price for wearing the mask is that the real causes of the lack of self esteem will remain ignored.
Where True Self Esteem Comes From
True self esteem is an intimate experience, and can only truly come from inside of you. True self esteem is what you think and feel about yourself, not what someone else thinks and feels of you.
For example, you could be loved by your family yet still not have any love for yourself. You could be admired by lots of people, yet still feel inadequate and unworthy inside.
This is not to say that other people are not important in influencing your level of self esteem, of course, people play a large role in shaping your self esteem, but ultimately it is you who determines whether your self esteem is high or low.
Where Fake Self Esteem Comes From
If true self esteem comes from within you, then fake self esteem must come from outside of you. This means that instead of seeking self esteem through consciousness, responsibility and integrity, fake self esteem is sought through popularity, material goods or sexual experiences.
In other words, fake self esteem comes from looking to external sources to make you feel valuable and worthwhile as a person.
However when these sources disappear, so does the fake self esteem. And if fake self esteem is all you have, ultimately this will leave you with feelings of anxiety and depression.
Is Fake Self Esteem Really That Bad?
There is nothing wrong with pretending to have high self esteem, when you actually have low self esteem. In fact this is one method that can be used to improve your self esteem, and is often called “fake it, until you make it”.
The idea behind this is that by acting like you have high self esteem, eventually you will develop high self esteem.
This is what actors do when they play a character. By acting like the character, eventually they become the character, and this is the key to giving a convincing performance.
So fake self esteem can be used for good, however it is important to recognize that fake self esteem is generated by external factors.
If you are constantly seeking other people or other things to raise your self esteem and make you feel good, then as long as you rely on those external factors you will never develop a genuine level of true self esteem. Because when those things disappear, so will your self esteem.
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May 16th, 2008 at 1:11 am
This is great advice. Thank you.