Free Body Language Tips

In a previous article we took a quick look at how to use body language to make a good first impression. In this article, we shall take a closer look at some body language tips and how to use body language to your advantage when trying to persuade or make a favorable impression.

Face The Other Person Squarely

Most people will focus on your face as their first cue to gauge your attitude, feelings and emotional state.

By positioning your body and head squarely towards the other person, you signal that you are interested and giving them your full attention.

This does not mean you cannot move your head or body to the side, but rather you should ensure for the majority of the time that you are facing them squarely.

Showing Interest And Disinterest

Looking for long periods to the side or turning your body away from a person are all signs of disinterest, and signal that your attention lies elsewhere.

People may find this frustrating and/or insulting, and gain a negative impression of you as a result.

If you notice this body language in someone who you are talking to, take it as a sign to change the topic of conversation to something which they will find interesting and stimulating.

Interest can be shown by nodding the head slightly to agree with certain points, or tilting/lowering the head/eyebrows to show you understand or are considering something.

The key here is to stay relaxed, and express your emotions through an animated face.

Facial Expressions

Of all the facial expressions, the most important and powerful is the smile. A smile says “I like you” and conveys happiness, warmth and confidence. All key factors needed for establishing a good first impression.

The importance of facial expressions can be seen on TV and in films. Although often these expressions are exaggerated, they still serve their purpose well by conveying a message to the viewer which words cannot.

By animating your face through various facial expressions, you will be using the visual method of communication.

As discussed previously, this accounts for the vast majority of your overall communication and so should not be neglected. However be subtle and don’t overdo it, or you will look foolish.

Open Posture

An open posture means an inviting posture. It tells the other person that you are not hiding anything, you are not being defensive and that you are a warm, confident and friendly person.

To have an open posture unfold your arms, uncross your legs (if male) or move closer to the other person. Again, ensure your body is facing towards them.

A closed posture occurs when you cross your arms or legs. People will often cross their arms in front of their chest when you talk about an issue which is sensitive to them, or when they are trying to guard/hide something.

Look out for these signs when you are talking to someone, and you will often find out a lot more about them.

                             Standing Up Straight

The way that you stand and walk is also important. An upright stance conveys pride, motivation, confidence, strength and power.

Conversely, slumped shoulders with head looking towards the floor as you walk conveys a sense of uncertainty, uneasiness, weakness and a lack of confidence/self esteem.

Try to keep your head raised squarely, as though it were being held upwards with a fine thread.

However, do not raise your chin at too much of an angle with your nose pointing upwards, otherwise you may be perceived as a “snob” who looks down on other people.

When walking, walk at a reasonably brisk pace, although try to avoid looking like you are in a mad rush to get somewhere.

People who walk rapidly and swing their arms slightly at the sides, are generally perceived to be more goal motivated and confident individuals.

People who slowly stumble around, convey the message that they are lost, helpless or daydreaming.

Move Closer

Moving closer to another person sends a powerful message that you are interested in them either casually, romantically or both.

It also conveys the message that you are comfortable around that person, and are giving them your full attention.

If someone leans or moves closer to you whilst speaking, it is a good sign that they enjoy your company and agree with your message.

In other words, you have created rapport and that person likes you. As will be discussed later, persuasion is a lot easier when someone likes you.

Another way you can move closer to another person is by removing physical objects between you, such as a desk or table. When you are already in close proximity to someone, you can step closer.

However, be careful using this technique. If you lean forward or move close too soon, the other person may become defensive and feel that you are violating their personal space.

Once they become defensive, they are on guard and persuasion will become a lot more difficult.

Remember, people who like and feel comfortable around each other, will naturally tend to be physically close to each other.

But people who strongly dislike each other, will try to stay as far away as possible.

Use this as a rough indicator of how comfortable a person feels around you. A word of warning though. Some people are naturally very “touchy people” and will invade your personal space very quickly.

Others may be less keen, and keep their distance for longer. So additional clues when deciding how well a person likes you.

In general it is best to use the closeness technique only when you are sure you are getting along reasonably well with someone. Otherwise use it as an indicator of how the other person feels about you and your message.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is especially important for communicating effectively in westernized countries such as England and America. In these countries, prolonged and direct eye contact is favored.

Eye contact communicates interest in another person, and signals that we are giving them our full attention. When we like someone this occurs naturally, and we will tend to look at them a lot. You can tell when a person really likes you as their pupils will dilate.

However, prolonged eye contact does not mean staring relentlessly at another person. This indicates hostility and/or some kind of obsession.

It is best to look at another person directly in the eye, whilst occasionally looking to the side or elsewhere. You want to aim for about 60-70% eye contact.

A word of warning for men. If you are speaking to a woman, don’t spend the other 30-40% of the time staring at a woman’s breasts. Most women will find this offensive.

Eye Contact And Feelings

Eye contact is also a good indicator of how another person feels about you. For example, if a person feels nervous around you, or does not like you, then they will tend to only look at you for about 40% of the time.

People who avoid direct eye contact are generally perceived as being liars, having something to hide, distrustful or lacking confidence/self esteem.

So when communicating your message, try to ensure you maintain a comfortable level of eye contact with your listener.

Problems Maintaining Eye Contact?

Some people avoid direct eye contact because they feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye.

A good way to remedy this is to look at someone between the eyebrows, just above the bridge of their nose. This will appear as though you are looking them directly in the eyes.

Eye Health

Because your eyes are so important in communication you should try to ensure that your eyes look fresh, clean and healthy.

The white of your eyes should appear a clear white color. If they have a yellowish or dull tint to them, this may indicate liver or circulatory problems, usually caused by some long term medication you have been taking.

Touch

Touch is a good way of becoming more intimate with someone, either on a causal or romantic basis. Touch makes you feel closer, and establishes a physical link with a person.

In westernized culture the most acceptable form of touch occurs as either a handshake or a brief hug, depending on the situation and the person you are with.

Both of these gestures convey friendliness and warmth, and are crucial in establishing rapport.

When shaking a hand keep the handshake brief, yet firm. Hold it for a few seconds applying moderate pressure, then release.

A limp handshake suggests disinterest, and/or a lack of dominance/power. An overly firm handshake conveys hostility.

Using Touch

Touch is also a symbol of status. Generally speaking, higher status people are more likely to touch, and the lower status people more likely to be touched.

In England, you are not supposed to touch the Queen. If she wants to touch you she will extend her hand towards you, which you should then hold lightly until she releases.

This is considered proper etiquette for the entire Royal Family. If a member of the public touches a member of the Royal Family inappropriately, it is not uncommon for it to make national news or appear in the newspapers.

This occurred when Spice Girl Geri Hallowell squeezed Prince Charles’s bottom.

Use touch to establish rapport with another person, however be careful who you touch and what you touch. Do not touch people too soon (unless you are shaking hands) and make sure the touch is appropriate, and does not violate someone’s personal space.

Touching someone on the back, arm or shoulder is generally considered to be acceptable behavior. Touching someone’s private parts, or bottom, is not acceptable and may be considered sexual harassment.

This is especially true for women, as men often don’t mind being touched. But as a general rule, the better you know someone the more you can touch them.

Relax

The most important type of body language is a relaxed yet attentive posture. This signals that you are willing to listen to someone, are comfortable around them and are comfortable with yourself.

Do not slouch, avoid excessive fidgeting and try not to appear too rigid or stiff. These can communicate defensiveness, impatience, boredom and nervousness.

Dressing For Success

As mentioned in a previous article, we live in an increasingly image conscious world. As a result, the way you look, and the way the things you own look, can convey a powerful message about who you are and what you stand for.

For example, the clothes we wear play a big role in determining how we are perceived by others. This is true for all ages, although perhaps is most noticeable in our teenage years of life.

Teenagers are very “clothe conscious” and if they can, prefer to wear expensive designer label outfits. Why? Because their peer group demands it.

These designer label clothes convey a certain message, “you are cool, and you have style”. As a result, teenagers often judge other teenagers who aren’t so fashionable, even going so far as to make fun of or ridicule them.

As adults we are also judged by the clothes we wear, because the clothes we choose convey a certain message and image about us.

For example, wearing the right clothes can allow you to communicate authority, competence and professionalism. Such people could include judges, doctors, business professionals, police and military personal.

The moment we see these people, or more specifically, see what they are wearing, our perception of them is immediately altered.

We now see them as members of authority who we should respect and obey, and so change our behavior accordingly.

This is the power of clothes, and the messages they convey. Keep this in mind the next time you want other people to perceive you in a certain way.

Please note, I am not necessarily suggesting that you wear only designer clothes. But rather that you pay attention to the style of your dress, to ensure it accurately reflects how you want to portray yourself to those around you.

This will vary depending on the type of people you associate with, and where you associate with them

Body Language Tips Summary

The following is a summary of the key body language gestures that have been discussed so far. Use them to make good first impressions with the people you meet, and to convey your message powerfully.

Also, watch out for these gestures in other people, so that you can be better aware of how they are reacting to you and your message.

A word of caution. Do not make judgments based solely on a single gesture. For example, if someone touches their nose it does not necessarily mean they are lying to you. It could simply be that their nose is itching! So always look for other clues to support your initial suspicions.

Openness

• Warm smile
• Unfolded arms
• Uncross legs
• Leaning forward
• Relaxed body
• Direct eye contact with pupils dilated
• Open palms
• Unbutton or remove coat
• Hands to chest for men

Aggressiveness

• Furrowed brow
• Sustained eye contact with contracted pupils (stare)
• Pointing your glasses at someone
• Clenched fists
• Arms spread out while hands grip the table
• Leg over arm of chair
• Squinting eyes
• Downward turned eyebrows
• Pointed index finger
• Strong palm down thrusting or knuckled crunching handshake
• Hands on hips when standing
• Moving in on the other persons personal space

Dominance

• Palms down
• Straddling chair - sitting with chair back serving as a shield
• Feet on desk
• Physical elevation above the other person
• Strident loud voice
• Leaning back in chair with both hands supporting head
• Strong palm down or knuckle crunching handshake
• Leg over arm of chair
• Using desk as physical barrier

Defensiveness

• Little eye contact
• Corners of lips turned down
• Rigid body
• Clenched hands
• Palms to back of neck
• Tightly crossed arms
• Tightly pursed lips
• Head down
• Tightly crossed legs or ankles
• Scratching earlobes or side of neck

Boredom or Indifference

• Blank stare
• Lack of eye blinking
• Head in palm of hand
• Repetitive finger or foot tapping
• Little eye contact
• Drooping eyes
• Crossed legs
• Doodling

Confidence

• Steepling (joining fingers like a church steeple)
• Feet on desk
• Leaning back with hands joined behind back of head
• Proud, erect stance with hands joined behind back
• Head up
• Stretched legs
• Physically elevating oneself
• Leaning back in chair
• Continuous eye contact
• Chin forward

Readiness

• Good eye contact
• Seated, leaning forward with hands on mid-thighs or knees
• Lively facial expression
• Standing with coat open and pushed back with hands on hips (for men)
• Alert facial expression
• Close proximity
• Sitting on edge of chair
• Nodding in agreement

Frustration

• Staring into space
• Running fingers through hair
• Kicking at ground or imaginary object
• Short in-and-out breaths
• Wringing of hands
• Tightly closed lips
• Rubbing back of neck
• Deep breaths
• Tightly clutched hands
• Pacing

Nervousness, Uncertainty

• Weak, clammy handshake
• Constant throat clearing
• Hands covering mouth while speaking
• Poor eye contact
• Nervous laughter
• Tapping fingers on table
• Sighing
• Crossed arms and legs
• Fidgeting in chair
• Fiddling with objects or clothing
• Pacing
• Smoking
• Biting or picking fingernails or cuticles

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Related Self Improvement Advice, Ideas And Tips

• Learn How To Spot A Liar
• Speaking Your Message Without Speaking
• What Happens When We Meet Someone For The First Time?
• Things To Remember When Persuading People
• Persuading Uniformed, Supportive And Mixed Groups Of People

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