Are You A Frustrated Person?

• Frustration comes from unfulfilled primary feelings.
• Frustration tells you that what you are currently doing is not working.
• There are two ways to end your feelings of frustration.

The feeling on frustration is something I have written about in a previous article, where I showed how ignoring your primary feelings can not only make them worse, but also cause you to feel frustrated.

This occurs because whenever you keep doing something that doesn’t satisfy your unfulfilled needs, you start to feel frustrated with your efforts because nothing you do seems to work.

If we ignore this frustration, the pain we experience from our primary feelings will intensify, which if left unchecked, will eventually lead to depression.

So the underlying message frustration tells you, is that what you are currently doing to satisfy your needs is not working, and so you should try something else. 

Otherwise if you keep doing what you are doing, eventually the pain of your unfulfilled needs will become so great that you will no longer be able to cope.

This is why, just like all our other feelings, it is important to listen to frustration because it tells us how we can live a more satisfying and fulfilled life.

Your Frustrated Needs

Just like our primary feelings can cause us pain in response to certain unfulfilled needs we may have, the feeling of frustration also comes as a result of an unfulfilled need.

In this case, the need which is not being fulfilled is the need to be able to satisfy your own needs, wants and desires through your own actions and efforts.

Remember this point because it is an important one. As people tend to feel happy with their lives in direct proportion to the amount of personal control they have over it.

If you feel that you have lots of control over the way your life is, you are likely to feel happy and content.

However, should you be in a situation where you have little control over how things turn out, you are less likely to feel happy and content.

The reason for this is simple. People who do not have control over their lives are filled with feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, because they are at the mercy of someone or something else. This same principle applies to frustration.

When you are frustrated because nothing you do seems to give you control over your life, you begin to experience the feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, both of which generate fear.

This fear comes as a result of some perceived danger (either physical or emotional) which because of your lack of personal control, you feel as though you are unable to avoid.

The Frustration Train

Frustration is therefore a bit like being trapped on a railway line with a fast approaching train. If you are stuck and unable to free yourself, you will become frustrated because you are unable to control your surrounding environment (escape from the train).

This loss of personal control will then lead to feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, as you start to wonder whether you will be able to escape in time.

As you see the train approaching, but are still unable to free yourself, you start to feel fear because you are at the mercy of someone/something else.

In this case, you may start to wonder whether the train will see you in time and be able to stop? Or perhaps there will be someone nearby who will suddenly come to your aid?

So whenever you experience frustration just think of the train analogy. The frustration you experience means that what you are currently doing is not working, and so you should try something else before you get flattened by the train!

What happens when you get flattened by the train? You experience depression, which is what we shall talk about in a later article.

How To Stop Feeling Frustrated

When it comes to stopping your frustration, there are only two ways it can be done.

1 – Find A Satisfying Response

The first, and also most desirable way, is to find a satisfying response to the pain your primary feeling is causing you.

This would involve taking some course of action which is effective in fulfilling your currently unfilled need.

For example, if you are lonely, and as a result of your actions you find a good friend or companion, your feelings of loneliness will quickly fade away.

Since you have now successfully satisfied your need for a relationship, your feelings of frustration will also disappear.

This is the ideal approach, and what we should all aim for, as it is the only true way to feel satisfaction and fulfilment in your life.

2 – Stop Trying To Fulfil Your Needs

The second approach to ending your frustration is to stop trying to fulfil your needs altogether.

This will result in a reduced level of frustration, however because you are no longer taking any action, your needs remain unfulfilled and you will continue to experience the pain that comes from its associated primary feeling.

So using the previous example, if you are lonely you could stop looking for people to form a relationship with.

This will end the frustration that comes from being unable to find a friend or companion, but will still leave you feeling lonely.

The Avoidance Of Pain

The avoidance of pain is one of the main reasons why people give up on their hopes and dreams.

Since it is far less painful to give up on something you have been struggling to get, than persist through your frustration and continually try new ways to succeed.

A good example of just how important persistence can be during these times, can be found with the inverter Thomas Edison.

When asked about his 10,000 experiments in which he had failed to develop a storage battery, Edison is quoted as saying:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”

Whereas most people would have given up after a few attempts, Edison persisted through his frustration by continually trying new things until he reached his goal.

Even though he may not have been successful with all his inventions, his determination and persistence is an example we can all learn from.

Giving Yourself Time To Recharge

Whilst giving up on your goals is generally not a good idea, in some cases it can be.

For example, if you are continually causing yourself more and more frustration through repeated ineffective actions that result in failure, you could eventually spiral into depression.

So sometimes it is a good idea to take a step back, stop what you are doing and give yourself a break.

By doing so you can reflect on the actions you have taken so far, and try to come up with a new way of doing things.

By stepping back for awhile you are not completely giving up on your ultimate goal, but rather allowing yourself time to recharge before you start working again.

Therefore being aware of the feeling of frustration will allow you to minimise the pain you experience from it. Since you will quickly know when your current actions are ineffective, and it is time to try something else.

Note : Do not use the feeling of frustration to give up on your efforts immediately. Give yourself time to be certain that what you are doing is not working, before you try a different approach.

In the next article we shall continue by looking at some ways you can end your feelings of frustration.

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