Guilt Trips In Love & Relationships

• Guilt can be used to manipulate your partner.
• Sexual attraction is often counterintuitive.
• Make someone want your approval, and they will do almost anything for you.

“If you loved me you would…” are some of the most guilt producing words that can be used in a relationship to manipulate the other partner.

The underlying implication is that if you don’t do what I ask, then you don’t really care about me, and so you should feel guilty.

Since as children we have been conditioned to show that we care, phrases such as this can easily manipulate someone by making them feel guilty for not doing what you want.

This could also be considered as a form of “emotional blackmail”, since emotions are being used to manipulate another persons actions.

Using Guilt As Punishment

Guilt can also be used retroactively as a form of punishment. For example, phrases such as “remember the time when you…”  are used as a reminder of the bad things a person may have done in the past, and how other people were negatively affected by those actions.

Therefore in a relationship, guilt can be a very powerful tool for manipulating someone’s behaviour, as both partners within that relationship already strongly desire each others approval.

When this approval is taken away, and replaced with disapproval, a person will work very hard to get it back and “make up” for the “wrong” they did.

“Guilt Tripping” People

People who manipulate others by creating guilt through love, also tend to emotionally manipulate individuals with whom they have no sexual relations with.

For example, friends can fall victim to their manipulation through the various “guilt trips” that are thrown at them.

A guilt trip is just another method of using guilt as a form of retroactive punishment. The person is reminded of something bad they have done in the past, made to feel guilty about it and then given an option to escape this guilt. This option will depend on what the other person wants them to do.

Does Guilt Through Love Always Work?

Whilst using guilt through love can be very effective in manipulating someone’s behaviour, its effectiveness tends to be limited to close relationships where there is a strong bond between two individuals.

For example, child-parent, parent-child, best friend-best friend, romantic relationship etc… The reasons for this are obvious.

Within such relationships each member desires the approval of the other, and therefore can be easily manipulated if this approval is withheld.

In relationships where there is not a strong bond, such as during a meeting between two strangers, then guilt through love tends to be far less effective at manipulation.

For someone who is used to manipulating others through this method, they may find that they are unable to get what they want unless they know a person well.

However there is one important exception to this rule. Extremely good looking people can manipulate others more easily than unattractive people, especially if someone is attracted to them.

Attractiveness And Approval Seeking

Once you are attracted to someone you will automatically try to win their approval by doing things to impress them.

For example, a man who finds a woman very attractive will naturally try to impress her by being nice and doing things for her.

Unfortunately, most men will try too hard to impress a woman, which results in the opposite effect to what he originally intended.

By trying too hard to win someone’s approval you display submissive behaviour, which then gives all your power to the other person.

People who give away all their power are usually taken advantage of, not appreciated for what they do and easily manipulated.

For example, a woman realises that a man has “fallen” for her. So she decides to take advantage of the situation by getting him to drive her places, and buy her things.

So when it comes to dealing with women, or men, just remember that sexual attraction is often counterintuitive.

This means that what you expect to happen as a result of your actions, is often the opposite to what actually does happen.

Make People Want Your Approval

Just so you know, if you want someone to be strongly attracted to you, then you must make them want to receive your approval.

You do this through “qualifying” and “disqualifying” people (applying conditions + disapproval), and then making them prove to you that they are a “good” person.

Just be careful how you do this, as inappropriate disapproval will have the opposite effect. A good example of appropriate disapproval would be something like, “Yeah, you’re cute, but I only date blondes”.

Say this to a brunette who is attracted to you, and she will work extra hard to win over your approval and “prove” herself to you.

The above phrase first gives approval (Yeah, your cute…) which gives power to the other person, and then gives disapproval (…but I only date blondes) which takes the power away.

The result is a “power vacuum” which automatically triggers a desire to win back the lost approval. This is why it is so effective in dating.