Helping Yourself To Gain Self Esteem

• Self esteem is shaped by both internal and external factors.
• Your behaviour strongly influences your level of self esteem.
• If you lack respect for yourself, people will lack respect for you.

People living in today’s society live in a fast paced and ever changing world. These changes are largely a result of our various technological and informational breakthroughs.

Whilst these things certainly do make life easier and more convenient, they have ultimately lead to a reduction in the personal stability people once enjoyed.

No longer is it common to have one single job for life. No longer is it common to stay in one relationship for life. And no longer is it common to live, work and die in the place you were born.

All of these changes, no matter how small or large they may be, affect peoples lives in different ways. Some of these changes may bring you joy and happiness, whilst others may bring you sorrow and pain.

It is therefore absolutely essential than in order for you to successfully survive through these changes, that you create a sense of stability within yourself.

This stability comes from having a clear sense of identity, confidence and self worth. Or in other words, self esteem.

What Is True Self Esteem?

Self esteem means much more than an innate sense of self worth. Self esteem means having confidence in your ability to think, to cope with the challenges of life and a recognition that you are worthy of happiness and success.

Trusting your mind and knowing that you are worthy of greatness, is therefore the very essence of self esteem.

What Builds Self Esteem?

Self esteem is shaped by both internal and external factors. This means that both the things within you, and the things outside of you, can affect how you think and feel about yourself.

In order to successfully build and maintain self esteem, it is therefore necessary for both factors to be addressed.

Internal Factors Build Self Esteem

Internal factors are those that come within you, and relate to how you treat yourself. This could include things such as the way you talk to yourself, the way you think or the things you believe in. True self esteem can only be obtained via these internal factors.

External Factors Build Self Esteem

External factors come from outside of you, such as from the environment in which you live and work. They can be transmitted either verbally or non verbally, and are usually sent from the people you see and interact with on a daily basis.

External factors play a big role in how you think and feel about yourself. However, do not make the mistake of relying solely upon them for your self esteem.

If you do so, and circumstances in your life suddenly change (as they often do) your self esteem will likely suffer and therefore so will you.

The Loop Of Self Esteem

Self esteem is a motivator that inspires behaviour, but behaviour also inspires self esteem. Therefore there is a continuous feedback loop between the way you act, and the level of your self esteem. One cannot exist without the other.

For example, with high self esteem you are more likely to persist in the face of difficulties. But with low self esteem you are more likely to give up, or go through the motions without really trying or giving your best.

If you are persistent then in all likelihood you will succeed more times than you fail, thereby increasing your level of confidence and self worth.

But if you give up easily, or don’t try your best, you will likely fail more often than you succeed, thereby reducing your level of confidence and self worth.

Either way, your view of yourself will be reinforced.

Put simply, this means that you can improve the way you think and feel about yourself, by improving the way you act. If you always try your best, never give up and act with integrity, then sooner or later success will come your way.

With that success will come higher levels of self esteem, which will bring further successes, resulting in even higher levels of self esteem.

Once you get it started, this self reinforcing feedback loop will build your self esteem automatically.

Self Esteem And The People You Meet

When dealing with other people, if you respect yourself and require that others deal with you respectfully, you will send out signals that increase the likelihood people will respect you.

When they do, you will confirm and reinforce your initial belief that you are worthy and deserving of respect.

But if you lack self respect and allow others to treat you disrespectfully, your mind will accept this behaviour and transfer it to your subconscious, further reinforcing and lowering your initial level of self respect.

This provides another example of how the feedback loop can either build up your self esteem, or tear it down. This applies to every aspect of your life, and is why you should never tolerate anything which will jeopardise your self esteem.

The Value Of Self Esteem

The value of self esteem is not only that it allows you to feel better, but that it allows you to live better.

This is the real value of self esteem, and once developed will allow you to respond to new opportunities and challenges more appropriately and effectively than you once did. This will then further reinforce and build your level of self esteem.

Remember, building self esteem is a gradual process. It is the foundation upon which you are building the rest of your life, and therefore is something which cannot be rushed.

In the beginning things are likely to progress slowly. But do not be tempted during this period to look for instant quick fixes. They do not work, and will only set you back to where you once began.

Remember what was said at the start of this article, true self esteem can only come from within you, and so you are the only one who can create it for yourself.

Whilst your progress may seem slow at the start, rest assured that once you get started the self esteem feedback loop will automatically ensure that over time, your self esteem will improve more rapidly and by greater margins.