How Do People Influence Each Other?

• First aim to persuade.
• If you can’t persuade negotiate.
• Watch out for the donkeys!
• Be careful of arguments!

In this article we will look at the diferent outcomes that can occur when people try to influence each other.

You should familiarise yourself with these outcomes, so that you will know when your persuasion is going well, and when you should back off and change strategy.

1 – Persuasion

With persuasion one person successfully persuades another person to adopt or agree to their position. This should be your aim and starting point when communicating your message.

The amount of time required for a successful persuasion will largely depend on the persuader’s skill, and the other person’s initial point of view (the persuasion starting point).

A successful persuasion occurs when you get the other person to agree with and support what you want to do.

2 – Negotiation

If you are unable to persuade someone to accept your position completely, then you must begin to negotiate. In a negotiation you try to get what you want, whilst also giving the other person what they want.

Often this means you must give something up, and they must give something up. In other words, you must compromise.

Since it is highly unlikely you will successfully persuade everyone you meet, you must therefore always be willing to negotiate. The result is a win-win situation where both people each get what they want.

3 – Fixation

At some point in your life you have most likely come across someone who simply refuses to change their mind, regardless of what you say to them. They are firmly rooted in a particular belief, and refuse to change it. This is known as fixation.

Fixation is commonly seen amongst members of political parties and religious groups. Each opposing side tries to convince the other that they are right, but nothing changes and each side becomes more hardened in their original position.

Fixation is like trying to push a donkey. The more you push, the more the stubborn donkey digs it’s heals in. If you see fixation in response to your persuasion, back off, change the topic and adopt a new approach.

4 – Polarisation

Polarisation occurs when the gap increases the more you talk. This usually occurs when you unfairly attack the other person’s position, and refuse to listen to their argument.

As a result, you both drift further and further apart. Often harbouring resentment or anger towards each other.

Be careful of polarisation, as it will make successful persuasion virtually impossible. If you notice it occurring change your communication style immediately, such as by altering your body language and/or the content of your message.