How To Become A People Person
- Accept people for what and who they are.
- Show people appreciation for the things they do.
- Praise people to develop new habits in them.
- Compliment a person or something they own.
- Build a support network, you might need it later!
In the last article you found out why getting along with other people is extremely important if you want to be happy and successful. You also learnt a few tips on how to be a more effective listener.
In this article I am going to talk about how you can become a person other people like and want to be around.
Accept Them For Who They Are
From childhood we are all very aware when we are accepted or rejected by another person. When interacting with other people you should therefore make every effort to accept that person for exactly who they are, without judging or putting them down.
The easiest way to show acceptance is simply to smile. When you smile at another person you not only tell them you accept them for who they are, but you also raise their self esteem by making them feel good about themselves.
This good feeling will then be associated with you, and the person will want to be around you because you make them feel good.
At the same time smiling also causes your body to release endorphins, which are chemicals that will make you feel good.
Say Thank You
Showing appreciation when someone helps or assists you, is an excellent way to ensure they will do it again.
Appreciation is universal, which means people from all the different countries in the world do it, and so should you!
Give Praise
Recognizing when someone has done something well and then praising them for it, is one of the best ways to develop new habits in people and raise their self esteem.
To do this you must continually praise the person whenever they do something you would like to see repeated, until it becomes a habit. If you would like to maintain that habit, then give praise every 2nd or 3rd time they do it.
This technique is often used by teachers on children, but it is also very effective in relationships.
However in order for praise to be effective it must be immediate and specific, if praise is delayed the effect will be reduced. It is also important that your praise is genuine and sincere.
You must therefore only give praise when it is truly deserved, as false praise will be seen as manipulative and will not work.
Give A Compliment
No matter what country you are in there is one thing all people like to hear, a compliment!
There are two ways you can compliment a person:
Compliment Them On Their Personality
If someone you know is a genuinely kind and nice person, tell them what a nice person you think they are and how you appreciate them for being that way.
People are proud of who they, and if you compliment them on certain characteristic they have, that person will remember you for it.
Maybe you can remember a time when someone said something nice about you?
Compliment Them On Their Possessions
People attach great emotional significance to their possessions, The most obvious example of this are men and cars, or women and clothes.
If you compliment a person’s possessions, what you are really doing is indirectly complimenting them, and if the compliment is genuine they will like you more for saying it!
Build A Support Network
No matter who you are, and no mater what you have, at some stage of your life you will in someway need the help of another person. The trouble is, you don’t know what help you will need or who will help you.
This is why it’s extremely important for you to help as many people as you can, because by doing so you will create a network of people that you can call upon for help and assistance in times of need.
This principle can be seen in the movie “The Godfather” where Don Corleone became the Godfather by doing favors for other people and then saying “perhaps I will be able to call upon you for a kindness someday?”.
Later he was able to return to those people when he needed their help, and the more people he helped the bigger his network grew and the more powerful he became.
However when you help people you must do so with no immediate expectation of return and provide them with the best help you can, as weak service will ultimately produce a weak network.
Final Thoughts
Nobody likes to be around a miserable, grumpy person who is always complaining or criticizing other people. If you can apply the tips you have read in this article and concentrate on becoming a genuinely nice person with a desire to help others, you will find people will start to like you more and want to be around you.
Remember, practice the law of sowing and reaping and do onto others what you would like done onto you!
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September 20th, 2007 at 7:44 am
I’ve just always thought of being nice as an instinct but I see that I have a lot of things to work on lol
September 20th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I had no idea men felt that way about their cars. For that matter, I wasn’t sure women were that sensitive about their clothes. Boy, have I been missing the boat.
September 22nd, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Michelle
I was speaking in general terms using a sterotypical example so not all men will love their cars, but i think its a safe bet to say most women love clothes, either that or shoes!
January 13th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
This article helped me in a lot of ways just now dude. Seriously, thanks for having this website for everyone to see, it shows that you are not in it for the money, but in it probably to just make a better world.
March 13th, 2008 at 1:25 am
You have some helpful tips for becoming a people person. In my business being a people person makes all the difference in the world. Thank you for blogs like this that keep you focused on being a better person.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Thank you Kevin, and i agree with you. Learning how to get on with other people and becoming a likable person is perhaps the most important skill you could ever develop.
I am currently writting about this in more detail. You can find the new articles in the “people skills” section, under “become a people expert”.
You may find some of those useful.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Thank you so much Martin,
I finely worked out how to get on with people.
I would have to say that me becoming another person has changed my life in a number of ways.
I thank you with all my heart.
July 5th, 2008 at 2:34 am
This was an okay article and should be straightforward but it just doesn’t seem to be that simple. It seems that as hard as I try to be “nice” and “thoughtful” and “helpful” and to compliment and smile, people don’t really seem to appreciate it. (?)
July 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I know what you mean Jessica, you are not going to automatically make friends because you smile and be nice to people. Although these things certaintly will help in allowing people to form a favourable impression of you.
There are 3 important things to remember when it comes to making friends.
1 - People like people who are like themselves. Anything you have in common with another person will make them feel closer to you, and see you as a likable person.
For example, if we both like cats and have recently got some kittens then we would have something in common and something to talk about. This would be a good opportunity for us to get to know each other better, and provide us with the potential of becoming friends later.
So whatever you may have in common with another person, you can use that as an opportunity to develop a friendship.
2 - Don’t appear overly nice. Although you would think that being really nice to people and helping them out would make you popular, it can sometimes have the opposite affect.
If you find being nice to people doesn’t work, try being a bit more self centered by thinking about pleasing yourself rather than others.
If you look at very popular people they tend to be self centered to some degree, and people try to please them, rather than them trying to please others.
Although this doesn’t mean you should be horrible to people, or treat others with disrespect. But rather dont appear as though you need to be friends with someone, or like you are trying to please them to win approval from them.
Overly nice people tend to be viewed as weak and submissive, and often get taken advantage of or taken for granted.
3 - Recognise that friendships take time to develop. The more experiences you have with another person, the better they will know you and the more opportunities there will be to build bonds between you.
Don’t expect to make friends with someone just because you got on well with them once, or they were nice to you/you nice to them.
Real friendships require bond building, and this comes from having things in common and sharing experiences together.
I think from what you have said you are being a bit overly nice, and perhaps appearing as though you are trying too hard to make people like you.
I have written more about this in the people skills section, under persuassion skills.