How To See What You Want To See In Other People
How To Develop Rapport By Mirroring Body Language And Voice NLP
- When people are in deep rapport body language becomes synchronised.
- Mirroring can help you match the vibrational energy field of your listener.
- Mirror people to enhance persuasion, but don’t become a parrot!
In the past few articles you learnt about the importance of non verbal communication, and how most of what you say comes not from your mouth, but from the way you act and the way you look.
The whole purpose of learning about body language was to enable you to communicate powerfully and clearly to another person.
If your body language conflicts with the words you are speaking, you are likely to be perceived as less believable and therefore less persuasive.
Once you know what to look out for, you will then be better able to “read” other people to see what they really think and feel about you and your message.
This can be extremely useful as it allows you to change the way you approach a certain topic, or if need be, change the topic to something else.
The second major purpose of familiarising yourself with the various non verbal forms of communication, is to establish rapport. Rapport is another way of saying that a person likes you, and feels comfortable being around you.
Why is this so important? Because numerous studies have shown that if someone likes you they will be more willing to help you, listen to you and do things for you, than if they didn’t like you.
As shall be discussed later, likability is an absolutely crucial factor in becoming a successful persuader. However in these articles, we shall now focus on maintaining and developing rapport.
What Happens When You Have Rapport With Someone?
If you are a kinesthetic person, being in rapport could be described as a “good feeling” you have about someone, a feeling that just “feels right”.
If you are an auditory person, being in rapport is like when you “click” with another person. And if you’re a visual person, rapport is when you both “see things the same way”.
Regardless of your dominant NLP model, when people have a deep rapport their body language tends to become somewhat synchronised. This is best seen in couples who are in a long term loving relationship.
If you watch them carefully, these couples tend to lean towards each other, finish each others sentences or move their bodies in similar ways at similar times.
All of these bodily clues tell us that are in deep rapport, and are probably very happy together.
However, you don’t have to wait until you fall madly in love with someone to develop a deep rapport. There are certain things you can do to “assist” the process, and at the same time, discover the level of rapport you currently have.
All successful persuaders must be aware of these skills if they want to successful influence someone. Without rapport, persuasion will become extremely difficult. So here are some ways of developing rapport with another person.
Mirroring
Mirroring simply means acting as a mirror, and doing what other people do. There are different forms of mirroring, although as a general rule, when people share the same views and opinions their bodies will tend to act in similar ways.
This occurs both consciously and subconsciously, although as a persuader, you must be able consciously and deliberately use mirroring. The way I like to think about mirroring is as follows.
Mirroring And Vibrational Energy Fields    Â
At the subatomic level, human beings are essentially vibrating fields of energy. When we meet or speak to someone, the degree of synchronicity that occurs between yours and the other persons energy fields will determine how you feel around each other.
The more synchronised your energies become, the more you will think and act alike. The less synchronised you are, the more differently you will think and act.
Mirroring is simply a tool to assist this synchronisation, so that you are both vibrating at the same frequency.
Some people call this energy field your aura. The following video clip is taken from a Ghost Hunters episode, where paranormal investigator Jason gets a reading from a psychic.
In this video a thermal image camera shows the human aura, watch it extend across the room!
First clip starts at 1.17
This clip show more of what happened. Starts at 3.24
If you are interested in finding out more about aura’s, I recommend watching the film “The Celestine Prophecy”.
Mirroring Speech
When you have established a deep level of rapport with someone, you may notice that the speed and volume of your voice is similar to the person you are speaking with.
When you are not in rapport, for example, they are very nervous and you are very calm, then there will be a much more noticeable difference in the way the conservation flows.
If this is the case, then you should aim to bring that person into a state you would like them to be in by mirroring their speech.
To do this, first begin speaking like them. This means your voice should reflect the tone, speed and volume of their voice.
However, do not mimic their voice exactly, or they will notice and may take offense. Instead, subtly change your voice to become more like them. The easiest things to focus on are the volume and speed of a voice.
After speaking like the other person, begin to change your speech to be more like how you would like it to be. In this example, we are getting the other person to calm down, and feel more relaxed. This could involve gradually slowing down our voice, and speaking in a softer tone.
When you use this technique, notice if they also change the volume or speed of their voice. If they do, you are establishing rapport. Continue slowly, until you put them in the desired state of mind.
If you recieve no response from them, you are either changing your voice too soon, or are not mimicking them closely enough.
A simple rule to remember is that people like people who are like themselves. Use your voice to make yourself seem more like the person you are talking to, and they will see you as someone like them, and therefore as a likable.
You should not use this technique if you have to change your own voice drastically, as it will seem unbelievable.
Mirroring Language
Another mirroring technique involves mirroring language, or more specifically, mirroring technical terms and industry jargon.
By speaking in another person’s language, you convey understanding, association with a certain group or social structure and/or some degree of expertise in that area.
This helps to create rapport because the person you are speaking to will feel that you are “one of them”, which causes your likability factor to increase.
Mirroring language is commonly seen amongst young children and teenagers, who use certain slang terms that their friends use.
Such examples could include “cool”, “wicked”, “safe” etc…Â
All of these terms help to establish membership within a certain group or social structure.
So as a general rule, try to speak in similar language to the person you are trying to establish rapport with. This may mean learning new vocabulary, or using terms that you normally would not use.
For example, if you are an adult speaking to a teenager or child, use similar language to how they would normally speak. If you are speaking to a professional or specialist, use terms specific to their field of interest.
The result will be better and clearer communication, whilst at the same time, establishing a feeling a rapport.
Mirroring Posture
When mirroring posture, the aim is to position or move your body in ways that are similar to the person you are speaking with.
This does not necessarily mean mirroring them exactly, so for example, if they touch their mouth with their right hand, wait a few seconds and touch your mouth with your left hand.
If they uncross their legs, you could uncross your arms. When mirroring posture it is o.k for it to be an approximation. It doesn’t have to be an exact mirror.
Testing Your Level Of RapportÂ
Mirroring of body language will occur naturally when rapport has been established. You can test to see if you currently have rapport with another person, by changing your posture or moving a part of your body to see if the person does the same thing.
Remember, if you are in rapport this will happen to the person automatically, like you have been synchronised together.
Here is a short video I found on uTube which summarises the mirroring process.
NLP Mirroring Video Summary
