How To Tell When Someone is Lying To You
- Examine both verbal and non verbal communication to detect lies.
- Detecting lies can make you a better communicator.
- Don’t assume people are lying without supporting evidence!
Whether you like it or not, lying is extremely common and something which virtually everyone has done, and will do, at some point in their lives.
Lying simply means concealing the truth, and as a successful persuader, you must therefore be able to detect these lies and adjust your strategy accordingly.
Since we already know that anyone can say anything about themselves, the key to successful lie detection comes from an examination of both verbal and nonverbal communication.
Combining both these aspects of communication will ensure the most accurate lie detection.
In this article we are going to be taking a look at some of the ways to tell when someone is lying to you, and what you can do to prevent yourself being lied to.
Of course, you could also use this information to become a better liar yourself, although please remember, liars usually get found out eventually.
When that happens, you will loose any trust or credibility you may have already established, which in turn makes successful persuasion virtually impossible.
Face And Lies
When our emotions are aroused, our facial muscles become activated and our face appears animated. Liars therefore tend to focus a lot of their effort on managing their facial expressions, as they know that is what other people look for.
There are a number of ways in which this can be done.
Avoiding Eye ContactÂ
When someone is lying to you they will tend to avoid making direct eye contact. They may look to the sides, or to the ground, because looking you directly in the eye causes them anxiety and feelings of unease at the prospect of you discovering the lie.
Reduced BlinkingÂ
In addition to this, liars tend to blink far less frequently because they are trying to control their facial expressions, which ultimately causes them to act unnaturally.
Avoiding Getting Close
Similarly, liars may avoid getting close to you, such as avoiding sitting by you or standing face to face. Some may even try to hide behind a desk or some other physical object.
Close proximity to someone makes them feel as though they are under close examination, which further increases pressure and anxiety levels.
The Fake SmileÂ
You have probably seen a fake smile before, either on TV, or in real life. A smile is an excellent way to determine whether someone is lying to you, because a convincing fake smile is extremely difficult to do if you know what to look out for.
When we produce a genuine smile the muscles beneath our eyes create small skin wrinkles, and our eyes convey a sense of happiness and delight.
Forced smiles do not alter these muscles, and usually distort one side of the face making the smile look irregular. Forced smiles appear in conflict with the eyes, which appear dull or lifeless.
In addition to this, a forced smile tends to appear more rapidly than a genuine smile, and is held for longer before fading away irregularly.
Watching the smile fade is an excellent way to determine if the smile is real, as fake smiles look extremely unnatural when they fade.
Because of this, the liar may look down when they fade the smile, as they know it was a fake smile and it feels uncomfortable for them when they end it.
Words And Lies
Whilst body language provides a good indicator of whether someone is being truthful, words can also reveal how honest a person is being.
One common indicator of deception is the deliberate avoidance of factual statements, and instead speaking in very vague or general terms.
The reasons for this are obvious. Less facts mean less margin for error, and therefore less chance of being caught out.
If you suspect someone is lying to you because they are using lots of generalizations, rather than facts, question them for further detail.
Often the liar will pause, and their rate of speech will slow down as they try to think up a good response.
If they refuse to be factual by not directly and specifically answering your question, there is a good chance they are lying or concealing something.
Being Too Specific
The opposite to generalization is being too specific, or answering a question in far greater detail than was needed.
This attempt to convince the other person by bombarding them with facts and details, is often done when they suspect that person may be suspicious of them. It is purely a defensive mechanism designed to eliminate that suspicion.
So be aware of people who over justify their actions, as they may have something to hide!
To Be Honest I…Â
Liars are also inclined to add in phrases such as “to be honest” or “to tell you the truth” as a means of validating a statement they make.
In addition to this the liar may appear hesitant in speech, with frequent pauses as they try to think up an appropriate and convincing response.
If they are unable to, they may try to change the subject entirely or simply mumble to themselves.
Exaggeration
Exaggeration is another common trait of liars. This simply involves overstating something to make it sound more credible and believable. This is especially true when things involve numbers, such time, money or people.
Subconscious Slips
Because liars are inherently uncomfortable lying due to the paranoia from getting found out (unless they are a habitual/professional liar) liars tend to make lots of subconscious slips. For example, they may say one thing when they mean to say another.
If you listen to the liar long enough, you will often find contradictions in their speech. This means they may say one thing to you one time, but something that conflicts with that information another time.
This is extremely common because most people are bad liars and will usually crumble when pressed for specific details, or have to maintain their lie for a long period of time.
Other clues to deception involve depersonalizing a response, such as talking about what other people think about the issue. Liars also depersonalize their answers by avoiding the pronouns “I” and “we”.
When you press them to personalize the response this may cause anxiety in the liar at the prospect of being caught, which may cause them to respond with a loud angry outburst. This defensive response serves largely to scare the inquisitor from asking further questions.
Detecting Lies
People will often forget what they have said in a previous meeting, so memory and verbal slips can provide good indicators of deception.
These indicators are most effective and accurate when used to compare 2 different conversations that occurred in 2 separate times.
But again, never assume a verbal or memory slip means a person is lying, as it may simply be an act of carelessness.
Rather, use them as supporting evidence in conjunction with other clues such as their nonverbal communication (body language).
Body Language And Lies
Because lying feels uncomfortable for most people, liars tend to keep their hands out of sight, such as by putting them in their pockets.
This serves two purposes.
1) It hides more of their body, giving a sense of security that they are concealing themselves.Â
2) It serves as a psychological comfort factor, preventing the person from doing anything unnatural with their hands.
Usually when people put their hands in their pockets they will also slouch, perhaps looking towards the ground and then up at you without fully raising their head. This further reflects the insecurity they feel.
Another way to detect lying is to look for excessive bodily touching, especially the nose, chin or mouth. Again, this serves as a psychological comfort factor, making the person feel more secure and at the same time more concealed.
However please do not assume someone is lying because they touch their nose. Use these clues with other clues, before making an overall judgement as to the character of a person.
Below you shall find a summary of some common clues to look out for to tell when someone is lying to you.
Lying Body Language
Remember, do not rely solely on a single clue. The more gestures you can identify, the stronger the probability the person is lying to you.
Face
- Avoids eye contact.
- Pupils dilate and blinking reduces.
- Does little smiling.
- False smiles that linger longer and end abruptly/unnaturally.
- Smile appears forced.
- Eyes seem vacant.
Body
- Gestures and words don’t match.
- Uses fewer arm and hand movements to illustrate points.
- Uses increased self-touching of nose, chin, and mouth.
Voice
- Raises voice pitch.
- Increase pauses and hesitations.
- Has slower speech.
Words
- Avoids making factual statements.
- Uses generalizations instead of specifics.
- Words seem forced.
- Takes longer to answer questions.
- Uses briefer answers than normal.
- Has more um’s and uh’s.
- Is inclined to mumble and speak inexpressively.
- Statements sound like questions.
- Avoids using pronouns I and we.
- Implies rather than gives an answer.
- Avoids direct answers.
- Uses phrases such as “to be perfectly honest,” and “to tell you the truth.”
- Claims sound too good to be true.
- Reasoning sounds implausible.
- Numbers mentioned are rounded and sound the same or are multiples of each other.
- Is prone to verbal outbursts which leak information.
- Has verbal slips of the tongue.
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April 27th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
its amazing now a man can feel safe about the peoplehe talks to