How To Understand Your Fears
- Find out as much you can about your fears.
- The brain makes fears worse than they actually are!
- Let people keep their fantasy image of you!
Much fear is caused by ignorance, and people are scared of what they do not know. The reason behind this is very simple. When your brain is given a few pieces of information, it fills in the rest of the details by itself.
For example, when you look at a picture on a computer screen, or a piece of paper, what you are actually seeing is a series of tiny dots.
However because the dots are so small your brain fills in the gaps, and you see it as a complete picture.
Here’s another example.
If I were to tell you I have an Aloe Vera plant on my desk (which I do), that would be 2 pieces of information. Your brain will then construct a mental image of the Aloe Vera plant and the desk, using those 2 pieces of information.
It will then fill in the rest of the details such as the type of desk or the size of the plant by itself.
However if I were to then tell you it is a large plant, in a white pot and on a 1960s English oak desk, your mental image will change based upon the updated information you have just received.
The point is, the more information you have about something, the less your brain will work to “fill in the gaps” and the less chance you will start worrying about things that may not even happen or exist.
RelationshipsÂ
Here’s a quick tip for anyone in a relationship. This same principle of the brain filling in the gaps, is exactly what happens at the very start of a relationship.
Often when you meet someone for the first time, they will know very little about you. As a result their brain will fill in the gaps, creating a “fantasy” mental image of you (when I say fantasy I don’t mean in a kinky way!)
This “fantasy image” is what the other person will initially find attractive, and is why relationships start out very strongly.
However over time as the other person gets to know more about you (by you providing them with new information) this fantasy image begins to crumble, as the new information you are providing them is not consistent with who they “thought” you were.
Eventually the fantasy image will be completely destroyed and they will be left with the real you. Often this is when relationships break up.
So if you are trying to attract a certain person, don’t be too eager to tell them everything about you immediately.
Let it slowly drip out over time, and make them work for it. By doing this they will desire you more, and the fantasy image of you will last longer.
In Brief - Learn as much as you can about something, before your brain starts “filling in the gaps” with worry and fear.
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February 8th, 2008 at 2:11 am
Hey
How’s it going? You sure gave me a better understanding of self esteem and confidence. My self I have no problem talking to people I don’t know and making them laugh, but realize I do get in a habit of being too hard on myself and worring too much about a situation so it creates negative outcomes for me that could be avoided. Thanks for info it has helped me understand self esteem in a better way.
Nicholas
February 13th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Hi Nicholas, glad you are finding the articles useful!
It is often said that your worst critic is yourself, and its true! People can be very hard on themselves, although this is not necessarily a bad thing if it is done constructively.
Where problems arise is if you put yourself down, use negative self talk and generally doubt your ability to do something.
However, being hard on yourself can also be a good way to motivate yourself to achieve success, drive you forward and develop self discipline.
People who are overly harsh on themselves and tend to worry alot, are usually that way because of how their parents treated them as children.
They may have had a lot of pressure and expectation put on them to achieve, which may have caused feelings of anxiety as a result. This is then carried over and becomes a part of their character later in life.
Feelings of low self esteem and self worth may also cause the person to doubt themselves, fear certain outcomes and as a result worry about what will happen.
Worry is often a symptom of fear, so if you can figure out what it is you really fear, by overcoming that fear your worries will disappear.
The way i like to look at things is with an attitude of learning from everything. If you are willing to learn from your mistakes, you will grow as a person, which is what life is all about.
Some people are able to grow very quickly, whilst others take many years. However, the first step to growth is awareness, once you have awareness of what you would like to change then you can start taking action to improve it.
The fact that you are working on analysing your internal self gives you a big advantage. Many people do not take the time to examine themselves internally, as they are preoccupied with the external world. This then causes them problems later in life.
So with any situation ask yourself what have you learnt from it, and use that information to better yourself as a person. If you can do this throughout your life, you will find there is very little you cannot achieve.