The Importance Of Developing Self Respect In Children
A child who receives respect from adults tends to learn respect, not only for themselves, but also for other people.
For example, if you are used to being sworn at, you will most likely use swear words when talking to other people.
But if you were taught to say please and thank you, then most likely you will talk to others in a polite way. This occurs because our first teachers and role models, are our parents. They teach us, by the way they treat us.
Disrespect From Birth?
Some psychologists believe that humans naturally treat children with disrespect, from the moment they are born. And by doing so, may even reduce the potential intelligence of the developing child.
What these psychologists are referring to is how adults talk to babies using a “silly voice”, which is different to how they normally speak to other people.
It has been suggested that this may actually slow down the rate at which the child learns how to speak, and even how well they will speak later in life.
In light of this research, some believe it is far more beneficial to talk to babies using your normal voice. This is how babies and children were spoken to in Victorian England, where children were referred to as “little adults”.
Whether or not this theory has any validity, it does show how many parents treat their children differently to how they would treat other people. Often this difference is seen in a lack of respect.
Learning Disrespect
One of the most common reasons why people may either lack respect for themselves, or others, is because their parents failed to treat them with respect.
When they spilt a drink, they were shouted at and called an idiot. When they made a mess with food, again they were put down.
This is actually quite “normal” behaviour, and a lot of parents treat their children this way. Becoming angry or shouting at them, when they have done something wrong. Even if it was by accident.
But ask yourself, would you treat a guest this way? If a guest spilt a drink, would you shout at them? Would you call them names? Most likely you wouldn’t, because for some reason people seem to treat strangers with more respect than they do their own family.
A Lack Of Self Respect                 Â
Later as the child grows into a teenager, they may show the same lack of respect to their parents. They may swear or shout at them, and not listen to what they have to say.
In the same way their parents did not respect them as children, now as teenagers they do not respect their parents as adults.
In addition to this the child may have also learnt not treat themselves with respect, and/or allow other people to treat them in a disrespectful manner. Just like their parents treated them.
This then further reinforces their lack of self respect, and destroys their self esteem. If this process continues, it can be very difficult to reverse.
Manifestations Of Self Respect
A lack of self respect can manifest itself in 2 ways. The first is how you treat yourself. For example, do you look after your body by keeping it fit and healthy? Or are you overweight, after years of no exercise, alcohol, drugs and junk food?
The second way self respect manifests itself is in your interactions with other people. If someone puts you down or makes fun of you, do you stand up for yourself? Or do you turn away with your tail between your legs?
These are just a few amongst many ways in which self respect can be seen in a person. But in both cases, whether you have lots of self respect, or a lack of self respect, it is a self reinforcing cycle.
What this means is that the more you show respect for yourself, the more self respect you will develop. Likewise the less respect you show for yourself, the less self respect you will have.
Increasing Self Respect
Even though you may have little self respect at present, it is possible to dramatically improve it by always treating yourself with respect. To do this you must first look after your body, ensuring it is fit and healthy.
In addition to this you must then make sure that you do not tolerate anyone who makes fun of you, puts you down or just generally treats you in a disrespectful manner.
This includes your parents, many of whom often treat their grown children (who are now adults) as if they were still small children.
If you can follow these steps and ensure that you are always treated with the maximum respect you deserve, self respect will come naturally to you.
As a result, your self esteem will improve, and your interactions with other people will be more pleasant and fulfilling.
Achieving Respect Responsibly
As a side note, I just want to point out that you should never resort to physical violence if you feel someone is disrespecting you.
Although respect can be gained through violence, it is not a road you should go down, and can cause you more trouble than its worth.
True respect is gained by standing up for what you believe in, and acting in a mature and sensible manner, where you remain calm, composed and maintain your dignity.
I completely agree with this article. The way you were treated when you were a child effects the way you treat others. If your parents direspected you all throughout your childhood, you are most likely going to be a negative person, and direspect others, as well.
If a parent is disrespectful to his/her child, then the child will probably be disrespectful when they are an adult. It is most likely that when they have kids, they will raise them the way they were raised. Treat others as the way you would want to be treated.
adult children who would rather see their Father alone and suicidal rather than allow him to enjoy another love after their mother is gone. How do you deal with that kind of disrespect and selfishness when they certainly were NOT raised that way?
Helen,
It is a perfectly natural reaction for children to not want their father to be with another woman after he has parted with their mother.
As far as the children are concerned, the new woman is encroaching into their territory and so they will respond in a defensive manner.
In order to successfully deal with this situation, you will need to be careful how you approach it.
For the new woman, anything she says to the children is likely to be discounted, so it is better if she does not try to persuade them to her point of view for the time being. Doing so will likely make the situation worse.
Infact she may never be able to fully “win” the children over, but may be able to neutralise their hostility.
Again, as far as the children are concerned she is stepping into their family, and trying to replace their mother. A situation which cannot be won.
In terms of persuasion, you may find some of the articles in the people skills section helpful, especially those on persuading people who dislike you.
http://www.eruptingmind.com/people-skills/
Persuasion should therefore be done indirectly, using the father as the persuader. Although the children may hold some resentment towards him for wanting to be with another woman, he is still their father, and they will still listen to him.
I don’t know exactly what has happened in your situation, so it is difficult to give you specific details on what can be done.
However the father should aim to reassure his children that the new woman is not trying to replace their mother, and that he still cares for their mother.
Depending on how soon he is wanting to be with another woman after being with his wife, he should give his children time to accept the decision he has made.
He should also make it clear that he has made a decision, and explain the reasons for it. This does not mean the children will accept or like it, but only that they know what he wants to do.
These kinds of situations are very delicate and will take time to sort out. There is going to be a lot of resistance initially (especially towards the new woman), however this should gradually fade over time as the children shift from a primarily emotionally driven response to a logical response.
In other words, at the moment the childrens reaction are driven from a part of their brain that deals with emotions and primal behavior. However these areas of the brain lack logical analysis of new information. This can cause them to act aggressive, possessive and territorial.
Over time they will begin to use the logical part of their brain, at which point they can be reasoned with.
So for the time being the father must do the persuading, and make a firm decision and stick with it. Given enough time you may be able to neutralise the hostility of the children, by the woman showing she is not a threat and both showing respect of the mother.