How To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection
- Rejection is usually not as bad as you think.
- Use past rejections to become a stronger person.
- Change the way you view rejection.
People with high levels of irrational fears often never take the risk of trying to be more self disciplined.
These people don’t want to risk being rejected, and feel that rejection would be worse than not trying at all.
Fear of rejection hurts self discipline, because it hinders behavior that takes you forward towards a desired goal.
If you are worried about something bad happening, then you will most likely not take any action in the first place.
The fear that stems from rejection, therefore stops people leading a self disciplined life. They become content to stay in their “comfort zone”, held in place by a real or imagined fear of rejection.
In this article we will be looking at how to deal with and overcome the fear of rejection, with the aim of liberating your life by freeing you from the shackles of fear that come from rejection.
Learning And Growing From Rejection
Virtually all people have experienced rejection at some point in their lives. If you feel that the fear of rejection is something which is holding you back, a good exercise is to think back to a time when you experienced some kind of rejection.
When you think about that rejection try to think of any lessons you learnt from it, which have made you a better and stronger person today.
You may not have enjoyed that lesson at the time, but you can now see how it was an important lesson to learn. Often when you think back to past rejections they don’t seem so bad anymore.
Maybe you can now depersonalised that rejection? Not all rejections were rejecting you, or your ideas. Often they are due to other less personal reasons, such a person having a bad day.
The key is, not to take rejections personally. Don’t let them negatively effect you for the rest of your life, and most importantly, learn and grow from them.
This is an absolutely essential attitude to have if you want to be successful in life, and is something I strongly believe in.
If something doesn’t go right for you don’t worry about, don’t get angry and don’t get upset. Rather see it as a lesson and learn from it.
Learning From Near Death Experiences
For a long time I have been interested in near death experiences (NDEs) and have read and listened to many accounts of people who have “crossed over to the other side” and then came back.
The interesting thing is that virtually all people seem to tell the same story, no matter what their race or religion.
These people tell of a “life review” where they experience the life they have lived. In this life review they experience all the pain and joy they have caused other people.
Most people who have had NDEs talk about it as being an overall positive experience. However some talk about hellish nightmare experiences, and when they come back they completely change their lives for the better.
One thing that has always stuck in my mind reading and listening to these NDEs, is what these people tell us about life.
They talk about how we choose the body we will enter, and therefore the life we will live on Earth. Whatever life we choose, we do so purposefully with the intention of learning something that life will bring us.
Whether or not we do learn from that life is up to us. But if you don’t learn from that life, you will keep experiencing a similar life until you do.
Now this may sound like hocus pocus to you, and may even contradict your current religious beliefs. However, thousands of people who have had NDEs have all recalled similar things, and most importantly, these are people from all religious backgrounds.
So from what i have researched, there is a lot of evidence supporting this idea of life and our spiritual selves.
So how do NDEs relate to self discipline? Well, as I mentioned earlier, the fear of rejection is a major contributing factor to people living mediocre and undisciplined lives.
Fear stops them taking any action, and so keeps them in their comfort zone, unable to grow and develop as a person.
Learning about NDEs has completely changed the way I look at life, fear and failure. Rather than running away from fear and failure I am now thankful when they occur, because I know I will have to get outside my comfort zone in order to conquer them. This means I will grow and develop as a person.
Of course I am not saying I like to experience fear or failure, but what I am saying is that I am willing to learn from them, and not let them hold my life back. And neither should you.
If you would like more detailed information about near death and pre death experiences, please see the free audio page.
Change The Movie In Your Mind!
Another way to decrease the negative power of fear that comes with rejection, is to change how those fears are represented in your mind. In most cases, these fears conjure up pictures, sounds or feelings of negative events and consequences.
If this is the case for you, then change the movie in your mind to make it less intimidating. Perhaps you can add your favourite music to that movie? Or change the pictures in your mind?
Whatever you can do to reduce the fear associated with those mental images you have from past rejections, will greatly reduce the debilitating effect they have on you.
Remember, fear is only as powerful as its representation in your mind. If your representations carry no imagined negative consequences, they loose their ability to impair your actions.
Again, this is why having an attitude of wanting to learn from every experience can be so powerful. If you are willing to learn from something, then no matter what happens, good or bad, you realise that in the end you benefit either way. This will greatly reduce your fears, and increase your willingness to go out and try things you previously feared.
Interrupting Rejection
A third technique you can use to overcome feelings of rejection is by using a pattern interrupt behaviour. The next time you are feeling anxiety or fear, stop and then do something completely different.
Change the room you are in. Change what you are doing. Or change the people you are around.
By suddenly changing what you are doing, you will often find that you have interrupted your feelings of anxiety and that they have suddenly disappeared. This occurs because it takes a lot of attention to think about fear.
If you remove that attention, you instantly remove that fear. Pattern interrupt can be used with any kind of emotion. So the next time you want to change an emotion, interrupt it!
Summing Up Fears From Rejection
I hope by reading this article you are able to change how you view fear, especially the fear that comes from rejection.
Fear is like having a ball and chain tied to your ankle. When your life is ruled by fear, you can only go as far as the chain will allow. This is your comfort zone, and as long as you remain chained to that ball, you will not grow or develop as a person.
However once you break that chain, you are then free to move wherever you wish, thereby allowing you to experience everything life has to offer. Only then will you grow into a stronger person.
So to sum up, here are the 3 methods for changing how you view fear and overcoming rejection.
1 - Always Be Willing To Learn From The Good And Bad That Happens To You
Remember what we learn from NDEs. We purposefully choose the lives we live in order to experience certain things, so that we can grow spiritually.
If you do not resolve the issues in your life, you will experience them again in another life until they are resolved.
2 - Change How You View Fear
The mind often imagines things worse than they actually are or will be. This is influenced by your childhood, and the things you see on TV. As a result, people intensify their fears by imagining worst case scenarios.
Change your perception of fear by changing the movie in your mind. Imagine things as working out well. Changes the images you see. Change the sounds you hear, and the feelings you experience from that movie.
It doesn’t matter whether things work out well or not. The important thing is that you overcame your fear, and took action. By taking action you will get more things done, and as a result reduce the restricting impact fear holds on your life.
3 - Interrupt Fear
Fear and anxiety require lots of attention to sustain. If you suddenly remove that attention, you will remove the fear. So next time you are feeling fear, do something completely different to interrupt your thoughts.
This is a very interesting article and I was seriously motivated by it. I guess what made it more interesting was that it didn’t exactly have any strict religious beliefs attached to it, yet everything in this article HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD and is VERY TRUE. I’m really glad I came to this website because I know I will be able to run with what I just learnt here. Thank you for sharing.
Love always,
Eskor
Thank you Eskor, I appreciate your comments very much.
i have always had fear of rejection but now i’m trying to improve. this article gave me some good insight on how to improve. i am trying to give my opinion out more to other people and also dress the way i like, you know stuff like that. anyways thanks for the info.
Mexican
I love your articles I started with the first one on the home page and I am continuing right down the list. Im addicted I cant stop!! There is so much good information here I have been suggesting this website to everyone I know. I have made a lot of changes in my personal life in the past several months. One is I have decided to go to college for the first time. I am twenty-nine years old. I plan on majoring in sociology and communication. I have plans to become a drug and alcohol counselor, both of which I have experience in. Your articles where you talk about escaping your present reality through tv, xbox, online gameing. Mine was alch. and drugs, I could not stand my life and so I would try to escape to my ” happy place”. Years of this finally ended in pitifull, broken relationships, deep depression and a record. I will close for now. Your articles have given me a lot of ensight in to my past. Like why I was doing certin things that were self destructive. I am confident that anyone who will take the time to study these articles will like me learn volumes about themselves. thanks, Roger
One more thing. Any advice about courses, or programs I should consider in college ? I would really apreciate the help.
A few days ago I have read an interesting article about fear. The guy has an original explanation for the origin of fear. He says that in prehistoric times fear was very useful, because it helped us to survive. Our ancestors had to know that a lion or a panther was dangerous, so that they could avoid them. At those times we had some real fears. But now, in our modern world our fears are actually unreal. They exist only in our minds. So when I go and face my fear I will find out, that there was nothing to be afraid of. We just have to take ACTION my brothers and sisters!
but later on I began to have some fun.
On his website he talks about a 6 step fear overcoming technique. First you pick the fear you want to overcome, then you think about an impossible worst outcome, then you think about the best outcome and then you decide what is more painful: your fear or the frustration. And you just go and act. I tried it out on approaching girls. The first approaches were freaky
Hi Josey,
I have written about something similiar in this article, under the heading “controlling the biology of fear”
http://www.eruptingmind.com/overcoming-your-fears/
As to the technique itself, that it a simple pleasure - pain scenario. In this case, pain is used to motivate you into taking action.
I have discussed this technique in the articles on self discipline.
Hi Roger, and thanks for your comments about the site.
I spoke to someone awhile ago who was in a similiar situation to you. He took drugs and alcohol for many years before he finally quit, and when he did, he decided to help others with drug and alcohol addictions.
He now teaches and give talks to young people, so that they can begin to turn their lives around. Something which he finds very rewarding.
I can’t offer you any advice regarding what courses you should take, as i don’t know what options are available to you in your country.
However what i can say is to do the courses you are most interested in, and those that will benefit your future goals.
People do best at things they have a genuine interest in and most enjoy. It also helps if you can keep your mind focused on what you want to achieve in the future (i.e. why are you doing what you are doing) as this will help to get you through the tough times.
You will find more information about this in the articles on self discipline, in particular, the use of pleasure and pain to motivate action.
Another piece of advice would be to do a little bit of study each day, and try to read for at least 1 hour per day in your field of interest. This will benefit you immensely in the long term.
Here are some other tips you may find helpful:
http://www.eruptingmind.com/useful-success-tips/
How do I find the name and credentials but of the person who authored this article and verification or footnotes of facts stated-i.e.”thousands of people who have had NDE’s have recalled similar things.” I do not dispute that they have- but how many? And out of how many reported cases? Is your article opinion or fact? I am on this site because I seek healing- I trust and I rely on the written word to have verification of facts stated. I can deal with fact or opinion- just let me know what it is I am reading and the credentials of the author. thank you for the insights in this article-mary marshall
Hi Marym,
All the articles on this site are written by me, and are based on my own opinions and research i have done.
The section on NDE’s is based on research done by people who have studied NDE’s for many years, and have experience dealing with them.
If you would like to find out more information, please visit the page i linked to in the article and listen to “near death experiences” and “pre death experiences”.
http://www.eruptingmind.com/free-coast-to-coast-am-radio-shows/
You have a very inspiring site. For sure it will help a lot of people to change their understanding about failure. Hope you could send me updates regarding your latest articles… this is my email ad: rod_baillo@yahoo.com
Thanks a lot…