Becoming Confident To Date
Self Confidence And Dating
When it comes to dating, fear is one of the biggest things which hold people back from seeking out a romantic partner or taking a relationship to a deeper level.
Alongside this fear is usually found a lack of self confidence, which can cause someone to fear asking another person out because they think they aren’t good enough to be with them.
So it’s not surprising that dating is such a daunting prospect for so many people, as fear and low self confidence are an extremely powerful combination that prevent many people from achieving the things they want in life.
Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating
Fear is basically everything in your life you don’t want to confront. For whatever reason, it makes you feel uncomfortable and so you are strongly motivated to avoid it.
In fact fear can be such a powerful emotion that it can literally paralyse you, freezing you to the spot and preventing you from speaking.
Of course this is the extreme end of fear, and most of the fear we experience isn’t so dramatic. But it still does the same basic thing; it freezes you to a certain position in your life by preventing you from going after what you really want.
Whilst there are techniques you can use to help you overcome fear, some of which I have written about here and here, one of the most effective things I have found that helps with overcoming fear is simply just to face your fear, and eventually you will overcome it.
When it comes to dating, people often become so concerned as to whether or not they will get it right or whether they will be rejected, they choose not to approach people because they want to play it safe and not get hurt or make a fool of themselves.
But as the years pass they realise they have missed out on many opportunities, and regret that they allowed fear to hold them back.
So you can read all the articles about fear that you like, but unless you actually start confronting your fears nothing is going to change and you will always be controlled by them.
Portraying Self Confidence
Confidence is really all about trusting yourself, and your ability to do things. So if you want to display this confidence to others, there are certain things you should do with your body as this is one of the first things people look at when judging how confident of a person you are.
Here are some of the basic confidence signals you can send with your body.
Stand Up Straight
Keeping a straight back suggests you are alert and confident. People who slouch are generally perceived as lazy or lacking in confidence.
Smile
If you feel good about yourself inside you will naturally smile, and when others see this smile they will perceive you to be a confident person.
People who never smile are generally perceived as being miserable, and when you are miserable, people try to stay away from you.
Eye Contact
A confident person can look another person directly in the eyes.
People who cannot maintain eye contact are seen as untrustworthy and weak.
Body Proximity
The closer you are to a person the more comfortable you feel with yourself, and that person. Leaning forward, or moving slightly closer to another person, is one way of showing confidence.
Hand Shake
A firm hand shake is a great way to signal to another person that you are a strong and confident person who is not a pushover.
People with weak or limp handshakes are generally regarded as being weak or submissive.
Building Up Your Confidence
If in any situation you feel as though you lack confidence, simply using the body confidence signals given above will help you to portray confidence to others.
However whilst this may be useful for one off occasions, you should also be looking to build up your level of confidence within yourself.
There are two basic ways you can do this, internal and external confidence.
Note: You must feel confident with yourself first before you will feel confident dating someone else. So the following types of confidence will provide you with a framework upon which to build later on.
Internal Confidence
This is the most important type of confidence, and one that will make you feel the best.
Internal confidence comes from doing things well, and knowing you will be able to do more things well in the future.
This is something which can only come through experience, as the more successes you have in life the more confident you are likely to become.
Set Goals
One way to help bring successes into your life is to start small by setting yourself goals and completing them.
The more goals you complete the more your confidence will grow, because you will start to believe in yourself and your abilities.
Help Others
Helping other people who are in need can also be a great way to build up your confidence, especially if you are trying to do so in a non dating scenario.
For example, working with children or elderly people can help you to develop confidence, because you will be appreciated for what you do.
This can later prepare you when you enter the dating world by making you feel good about yourself.
Challenge Yourself
The more things you can succeed at which you never thought you would or could do, the higher your confidence will be.
External Confidence
External confidence is all about being aware of how others perceive you, and knowing what looks best on you. If you know you look your best, then you are naturally going to feel confident.
So take some time to really think about what clothes and hair style best suits you. If you are unsure of this, ask a friend to give you their opinion.
Whatever style you choose, it should be your style and not someone else’s. What may look good on your friend may not necessarily look good on you, so always dress in a way that you feel comfortable with and that looks good on you.
Overall if you have a good level of internal confidence, then you will naturally display external confidence in the way you stand (your body language) and the way you dress.
If however you lack internal confidence, you can still portray confidence to others by dressing well and using confident body language.
However don’t solely rely on external confidence, as ultimately your aim should be to develop internal confidence, because in the end that is what makes you really feel good about yourself.
When You Feel Confident Enough To Date
When it comes to feeling confident about dating, the bottom line is this: Unless you are an extremely attractive person, you are likely to feel some fear about dating which is most likely due to you doubting some aspect of yourself.
In order to overcome this fear, you need to work on developing yourself from the inside out. This means working on improving your self confidence and your self esteem.
Once you feel confident on the inside, other people will pick up on this and they will be attracted to it.
However, do not make the mistake of waiting for things to be perfect, because they never will be. A lot of people make the mistake of over analysing things, or spending a lot of time preparing things without actually taking any physical action.
So whilst it is good to do some basic preparatory work on your internal self such as by reading articles or books, ultimately the real work should be done in the real world because that’s where you get the results.
Nerves Are Normal
Unless you are a robot, you will feel nervous during the first few times you approach people, but trust me when I say you will learn to control and eventually overcome that fear the more times you practice approaching people.
So before you feel that you are ready to date, make sure you have done the internal work first. The most important thing being that you are comfortable with yourself and know what you want out of life.
If you have not achieved any of these things yet and you start trying to date people, you will come across as needy and insecure.
This will most likely get you rejected which will lower your confidence, or attract the wrong type of person who is bad for you and your life.
