Self Esteem And Body Language

• Your body language can convey high or low self esteem.
• Be willing to learn from everything that happens to you.
• Choices are neither good or bad, it’s what you learn from them that counts.

The level of your self esteem is not set once and for all in childhood. It can grow as you mature, or it can deteriorate. There are people whose self esteem was higher at the age of 10 than 20, and the reverse is also true.

So remember, self esteem will fluctuate throughout your lifetime, it can rise and it can fall. I know mine certainly has.

My Self Esteem

I can think back to times in my life when my self esteem reflected the choices I made in the face of various challenges.

I can think of instances when I made choices I am proud of, and with that my self esteem rose. But at the same time I can also recall making choices I regret, that ultimately lowered my self esteem.

With regard to choices that lowered my self esteem, I think of times when I was unwilling to see what I saw and know what I knew.

I found it easier to “bury my head in the sand” and ignore the obvious reality around me. I think of times when I needed to examine my feelings, but instead I ignored them and “pretended” everything was OK.

I think of times when I needed to walk away from a relationship, but instead I struggled to keep it going.

Times when I needed to stand up for my deepest feelings and assert my deepest needs, but instead I remained quite and hid what was within me, never expressing my true self.

Challenges And Choices Are Life

We all face challenges in life, and sometimes we make choices we are proud of, and other times we make choices we regret.

In my opinion the thing that really counts is not whether the choices you make are good or bad, but rather what you learn from them.

Sometimes the things that seem really bad turn out to be a blessing in disguise, and end up improving your life in ways you never could have imagined. This has happened to me on many occasions.

I remember when I broke up with my first proper girlfriend (when I say broke up I mean she left me), I was really upset and felt like it was the worst possible thing that ever happened to me. It hurt me for a long time, but I got over her.

Now I look back and am thankful for that experience, because I learnt a lot from it and feel it made me a stronger person.

So now my attitude is that I no longer fear making mistakes or bad choices, as I know that each choice I make, good or bad, will still benefit me in the end.

This does not mean I will experience no joy or pain from my choices, but rather that I am willing to accept whatever lesson I have to learn. Whether I like it or not.

Body Language And Self Esteem

One of the most obvious ways self esteem manifests itself is through your body language. For example, if you feel happy and confident you are likely to smile, stand tall and appear energetic.

But if you feel unhappy and lack confidence, you are more likely to slouch, look towards the floor and appear drained of energy.

Therefore the way you feel about yourself internally, is often reflected externally to the world and people around you. How people react to this image, will then either positively or negatively reinforce your self esteem.

If you would like more information on using body language successfully see this article : Improving Body Language

However for now, let’s have a quick look at some ways in which high self esteem manifests itself externally via your body language.

Physical Manifestations Of High Self Esteem

• Eyes that are alert, bright and lively.
• Shoulders that are relaxed, yet erect.
• Hands that are relaxed and not fidgeting nervously.
• Arms that hang in a relaxed, easy and natural way.
• A posture that is un-strained, erect and well balanced.
• A walk that tends to be purposeful, with your head up.
• A voice that can speak softly or loudly (modulated) depending on the situation.

The high self esteem body language can be summarized in 2 words, relaxed and confident.

It is relaxed because you take your time doing or saying something, rather than rushing or going too slowly.

Rushing your speech or actions are very common symptoms of low self esteem, and usually occur because the person feels under some kind of pressure.

Generally this stems from a lack of self worth, whereby they do not feel worthy and deserving of the time and attention they are being given.

The second manifestation of high self esteem body language is confidence. This can be expressed verbally, such as by talking in a commanding well articulated voice and meaning what you say.

Or it can be expressed physically via the actions you take which appear natural and purposeful, rather than conveying nervousness such as by constantly playing with your hands.

However it is important to note that your level of self esteem affects much more than just the way you look, it also affects the way you respond to the world and to the people around you.

And as I said previously, how you act will then cause people to react to you in a way that will either positively or negatively reinforce your self esteem.

Below are a few ways self esteem can be expressed via your actions and reactions to the world and people around you.

• Directness, honesty and ease when talking about your shortcomings and accomplishments.
• Comfort in giving and receiving compliments, such as expressions of affection and appreciation.
• An attitude of openness and curiosity about new ideas, new possibilities and experiences of life.
• An openness to criticism and an ability to acknowledge mistakes.
• A recognition and acceptance of your flaws and weaknesses.
• Knowing that your self esteem is not tied to the image of being perfect.
• Feelings of anxiety or despair no longer seem overwhelming.
• Confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles and challenges.
• An ability to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously.
• An ability to be flexible in responding to situations and challenges.

Notice that the themes of relaxation and confidence occur again and again. A relaxed attitude to life implies that you are not hiding from yourself or your feelings, and most importantly, that you are not at war with who you are.

Take James Bond for example. Bond is known for being very confident, but he is also very relaxed. If someone criticises him, or he faces a seemingly impossible challenge, you don’t seem him panicking or getting stressed out.

Rather you see a relaxed, calm and appropriate response. This last point is important because when you are calm and relaxed, you are most likely to make the best decision and get the best outcome.

The second theme that appeared again was confidence. Confidence in yourself and your abilities will allow you to face up to any challenge that comes your way.

Your life may have taken a sudden and unexpected turn for the worse, but your confidence and belief in yourself reassures you that you will eventually turn things around.

So just remember what was said in a previous article. Self esteem is made up of self efficacy and self worth. Both of these components will give you high self esteem, and with that high self esteem will come a relaxed and confident attitude.

So make sure that you always believe in yourself, and recognise that you are worthy of achieving the success or happiness you desire.

It is only when you begin to believe in yourself, will you start to act in ways that cause other people and other things to react favourably towards you. This in turn will then positively reinforce your self esteem.

However, should you lack these important mental beliefs, you are likely to act in ways that cause other people and other things to react in ways that negatively reinforce your self esteem.

So the choice is yours. Do you want high self esteem? Or do you want continue living a life filled with low self esteem? Make your choice now, because it all begins with what goes on in your mind.

Part 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 11

del.icio.us Digg Netscape StumbleUpon Technorati  Email This