Self Esteem And Relationships

• You are likely to partner with someone who has similar self esteem to your own.
• Low self esteem can cause you to miss out on potential partners.
• A lack of self worth is a big barrier to love.

When it comes to social and romantic relationships, people tend to feel most comfortable around those who have a similar level of self esteem as their own.

This means that on a subconscious level low self esteem attracts others with low self esteem, and high self esteem attracts others with high self esteem.

However this is a very generalized statement, and will obviously not apply to every single relationship.

For example, someone with low self esteem may be attracted to someone with high self esteem, because they enjoy the security or comfort that relationship could provide.

Likewise, someone with high self esteem may be attracted to someone with low self esteem. Although this is usually less common than the previous example, it does happen, especially if the attraction was based heavily on how a person looked.

When it comes to the long term success of such relationships where there has been a “mismatch” of self esteem, there are two possible outcomes.

Self Esteem and Relationship Breakups

The most common outcome of a mismatch of self esteem is for the relationship to end. Usually within one year, or at most, two years.

This is typically enough time for the “infatuation” period to pass, whereby physical attractiveness beings to play less of a role than it did at the very start of the relationship.

Breakups commonly occur due to insecurities, and possible self sabotaging behaviors, of the person with the low self esteem.

For example, if the male in the relationship talks to lots of women, or has many female friends, then his partner (who has low self esteem) may become jealous.

This can then lead to arguments, over-controlling behavior and resentment towards each other. Unless these issues are resolved and overcome, the relationship will end.

Harmonizing Self Esteem

The second outcome in a relationship where there has been a mismatch of self esteem, is for a type of “harmonizing” effect to occur.

As the relationship progresses over time, both partners begin to adopt each others level of self esteem. Ultimately striking somewhat of a balance between the two.

The most common form of harmonization, will occur as the person with the lower self esteem adopting their partners higher self esteem.

In other words, being with their partner causes them to feel better about themselves, more confident and more valued as a person. These factors alone will naturally cause self esteem to rise.

Of course the opposite to this may also occur. The person in the relationship with high self esteem, may slowly begin to adopt their partners low self esteem.

For example, they may pick up various insecurities or worries their partner may have, thereby lowering their own self esteem.

In this type of harmonizing relationship, the chances of long term success are far greater than those couples in a relationship whose self esteem is mismatched and inharmonious.

The reasons for this are obvious. Less insecurities in a relationship lead to less suspicions, less paranoia and less arguments. Overall this makes the relationship happier, and relatively trouble free.

Self Esteem And Relationships

One of the biggest barriers self esteem poses to a relationship, is the ending of a relationship before it has even begun.

This is because with low self esteem often comes feelings of being unworthy or undeserving of love. As a result the person may feel that love is something that cannot be achieved, and that they will never experience it.

Consequently this mental attitude may cause the person to never actively pursue a potential love, or alternatively, avoid love when it appears. All because they do not think they are good enough to be loved.

Self Worth And Love

A person who does not think they are good enough to be loved, very often has a low sense of self worth. This lack of self worth comes from a lack of self love, whereby they do not truly love and accept themselves and so cannot truly accept love and acceptance from others.

A lack of self love also leads to a state of emotional impoverishment. This means that because you are unable to create the feelings of love and acceptance within you, you look to other people as a source of approval or disapproval, to create those feelings for you.

Whilst this may sound like a valid way of creating love and acceptance, it has a major drawback. A lack of self love causes you to see people not for who they really are, but rather for what they can or cannot do for you.

In this state, your ability to love will remain undeveloped. Because all you will have to give is not love, but rather your unfulfilled needs.

Confused By Love

People who lack love and acceptance for themselves, often become confused or suspicious of others who show signs of love towards them. This is extremely common, especially during teenage years.

Often a girl will show signs of interest towards a boy, but because the boy lacks self love, his mind doubts or is uncertain of what the girl may be thinking (even if the signs are extremely obvious).

As a result he makes little or no effort to “win” the girl, and so misses an opportunity that could have lead to happiness. His lack of self love, ultimately lead to a lack of love from others.

The Importance Of Self Esteem In Relationships

As you can see throughout the numerous examples given in this article, self esteem plays a very big role in not only finding love, but also in maintaining love.

If successful love is something you desire, then you should continue to actively improve your self esteem. This will benefit not only love in your life, but also every aspect of it.

Part 0 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

del.icio.us Digg Netscape StumbleUpon Technorati  Email This