Is Too Much Self Esteem Bad For You?
- Low self concept can cause you to subconsciously sabotage your life.
- For lasting change you need to be a “subconscious satisfier”.
- You can never have too much self esteem!
One common concern people have when they actively seek to improve their self esteem, is whether too much self esteem is a bad thing?
They wonder whether you can like yourself so much, to the point where you appear pompous or arrogant to other people?
These doubts and fears may then put people off from trying to improve their own self esteem, almost making them feel guilty for trying to like themselves more.
However, rest assured that these doubts and fears about liking yourself too much stem from low self esteem.
The truth is you can never like yourself too much, and if you want to be successful and happy in life, you need to be your own favorite person.
In order to fully understand why this is the case, you first need to understand some of the components involved in self esteem. So let’s explore these now.
Self Esteem, Expectations And Actions
Accompanying self esteem are a set of expectations, that determine what you view as possible or appropriate for you.
For example, with high self esteem you may regard anything as being possible. Or with low self esteem, you may regard only a limited amount of things as being possible for you.
Whatever your expectations are, it is important to realize that these mental expectations will ultimately generate a series of actions, thereby turning them into realities.
The realities these actions create, will then confirm and strengthen your original expectations about what you regard as being possible or impossible for you.
To help you understand this concept better, let’s look at a quick example.
If I think I can climb a mountain, that would be an expectation. It is a belief of something which I think I am capable of doing.
This expectation will then lead to a series of actions, which in this case involves preparing for and eventually climbing up the mountain.
By taking these actions I have therefore turned my expectations into reality, thereby confirming and strengthening my original beliefs about what I am capable of doing.
As you can see from this example your self esteem is comprised of both physical and mental action, and therefore both components must be addressed when one is trying to improve their self esteem.
Thinking you are capable of doing something is only half the battle. In order to confirm your beliefs, you must take action upon them to make them a reality.
Without taking action, your beliefs will remain idol concepts and never become deeply rooted in your mind.
In this sense, self esteem, high or low, tends to be a generator for a self fulfilling prophecy. Whereby you become more of what you think and feel you are. Self esteem is therefore strongly interlinked with your self concept.
What Is Self Concept?
Your self concept is what you consciously and subconsciously think you are. Self concept is your physical and psychological traits, your assets and liabilities, your possibilities and limitations and your strengths and weaknesses.
Self concept is therefore initially built upon beliefs, but is ultimately created through the reinforcement of those beliefs by the actions you do or do not take.
Below are some important areas which play a role in shaping your self concept.
Relationships
This includes relationships with friends, family, colleagues, sexual partners and people you meet in everyday life.
Money And Possessions
What you spend your money on is important in shaping your self concept. The things you own are a reflection of who you are.
Health
Your current level of health and fitness reflect how highly you value your body. Do you take care of yourself? Or are you unhealthy and out of shape?
Work
How well you think you can do something will influence your self concept. Are you confident in your abilities and skills? Or do you doubt your ability to complete a certain task?
Self Image
How well do you dress? Do you make an effort to look good? Are you happy with the way you look? Do you dislike certain parts of your body?
As you saw in the examples above self concept includes your level of self esteem. However it is far more global in its reach, and encompasses every aspect of you as a person.
The easiest way to think about self concept is as the very core of who you really are. It is a result of everything you have or have not experienced in life.
The Dangers Of Having A Poor Self Concept
One of the dangers that may occur with having a poor self concept, is self sabotage. This involves subconsciously engaging in actions which prevent or destroy success you may be experiencing now, or could experience sometime in the future.
This self sabotage occurs because success clashes with the subconscious beliefs a person has about what they think is appropriate or possible for them.
Their self concept simply cannot accommodate the new level of success, and unless their self concept changes, they will always find ways to self sabotage.
What this means is that consciously you can think you want success or happiness, and try your hardest to achieve it, but if you have a poor self concept then subconsciously you will always be fighting against it.
To read more about self sabotage, see this article : Self Esteem And Self Sabotage
Be A Subconscious Satisfier
In order to experience a real and lasting change in your life, you need to invest a lot of time and effort. The reason for this is because you are often trying to overcome years of limiting beliefs you have acquired throughout your life, and spent many years reinforcing with your actions.
These limiting beliefs may have become ingrained so deeply within the mind, they may take years to reverse. Although generally you will find that these beliefs can be reversed a lot quicker.
One thing you should be aware of however is to avoid the temptation to seek quick instant fixes. These will rarely work, and will cost you more time and more money in the long run.
A good example of this can be found with people who attend motivational seminars. At the seminar these people feel alive, energised and ready to take on the world.
However, a few days after the seminar most people return to their old ways of thinking and acting. Whilst they may have become consciously satisfied, thereby making them feel good in the moment, ultimately most were left subconsciously unsatisfied.
As a result, most do not experience a true and lasting change in their lives.
This is not to say that motivational talks and learning have no value. But rather that you should not expect to change your life simply by listening to or reading about something, without being willing to take action upon it.
Information can only create new ideas in your mind. These ideas may then become beliefs, which you must turn into reality by reinforcing them with action.
It is only when these beliefs become reality, will they become absorbed into your self concept.
Is It Possible To Have Too Much Self Esteem?
High self esteem is often confused with boasting or arrogance, and so some people may think that having a high level of self esteem is a bad thing.
The danger that comes from this type of thinking is that if a person thinks high self esteem is bad, they are unlikely to fully pursue improving their own self esteem.
Instead they will be left with doubt about their own value, worth and importance as a person. Ultimately this will lead to actions that reinforce these beliefs, and in the long run, further lower their self esteem.
So if you think that a person can like themselves too much, get this idea out your mind right now. The truth is, it is no more possible to have too much self esteem, than it is possible to have too much health.
If you are concerned about high self esteem making you appear boastful or arrogant, you can shed these fears right now because these traits do not reflect an abundance of self esteem, but rather a lack of self esteem.
People with high self esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others, or prove their value by comparing themselves against other people.
Their joy comes from being who they are, not from being better than someone else.
So just remember what was said in a previous article. True self esteem can only come from within you, and once you start comparing yourself to other people, or other things, you are bound to find faults.
No matter how bad you think your life is, everyone has good things in their life. So concentrate on your strengths, and in time they will expand and create new strengths.
To further build up your self concept, go back and look at the main factors which play a role in shaping your self concept. Then decide what areas of your life you can improve on, and make an effort to actively improve them.
Change starts with small steps, but in order to make that change you must take the first step. So pick something in your life you would like to improve or enhance, and just go for it.
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