How To Talk With Your Subconscious
- Self Talk is your subconscious talking to you, so listen up!
- You can have positive self talk or negative self talk.
- Self talk can reveal the programming you received as a child.
What Is Self Talk?
Self talk is how you talk to yourself throughout the day. It may be comprised of either positive statements, such as “I can do that…” or negative statements such as “I can’t do that…”
As a general rule, negative self talk is anything that puts you down or limits your actions, whilst positive self talk makes you feel good and motivates you.
Self talk usually originates from your childhood after repeated exposure to certain words or phrases, that were spoken by an authority figure (e.g. parents).
The most common form of self talk uses the phrase “I am such an idiot”, or something to that effect.
Self Talk Is Your Subconscious Talking To You!
Recognizing whether you use predominantly negative or positive self talk, will give you a good indication of the type of programming you received as a child.
This information can then be used to identify and highlight limiting beliefs you may have been unaware of. Think of self talk as your subconscious talking to you.
Positive self talk is extremely beneficial and will enhance the effects of future programming techniques. Once mastered, it will result in an attitude that anything is possible.
How Do I Master Self Talk?
There is nothing complicated about this technique. The biggest step is to realize that the way you talk to yourself is important. By reading this article you have already taken that step.
The next step is to identify negative words or phrases, that you frequently repeat to yourself.
This may take a week or longer, as you must let the words/phrases naturally appear because these will come directly from your subconscious.
Once you have identified your negative statements, make an effort to consciously replace them with positive statements.
Talk With The Subconscious - Final Thoughts
This process provides you with an honest assessment of your subconscious mind, thereby allowing you to identify limiting beliefs.
By becoming consciously aware of these beliefs, you are then able to directly modify the subconscious by replacing previously stored information (put in by someone else) with new information (put in by you).
Although initially this will require conscious effort, with practice it will become automatic and a habit. When this occurs, it means you have successfully modified your subconscious mind!
Please do not underestimate the importance of self talk, as failure to master it will undermine future programming techniques.
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February 8th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Looking for suggestions eg positive self talk statements to turn around and replace negative, just to give examples to my clients, so they can use or choose what suits them, feel comfortable.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Chris that is a very general question you have asked, its a bit like asking someone “how can i improve my life?” but giving no additional information.
Affirmations will vary depending on what you are trying to change/reverse, although in general frame them in a present positive and specific tense.
If you are creating affirmations for other people, they may be more effective as they may be percieved to be more valuable coming from a creditable source (i.e. you).
Try to keep your affirmations short, as this makes it easier to remember them. It is also a good idea to try and make them rhyme. This makes them fun and easy to say and remember, for example,
i am worthy of success, everyday i am the best!
But again, the type of affirmations you use really depends on what you are trying to achieve.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I recently mowed to a new place, many people tougth I was Gay, altough I am not. I believe it has something to do with the way I dress. Anyways I have supersonic hearing so I could hear people comment as I passed them by, normaly I wouldnt even care but i heard it by so many it started affecting me. Now in the middle of a conversation with somebody I can say something like im gay, the problem is I now I am not. I dont know why i do it but from a psychological point of view I believe this is something I do to gain control of a situation before somebody tells me I am gay. The problem is I think i do this subconsciously as I have now control of me saying it, i dont even hear myself say it, its like I all the sudden pop out of it and I dont snap back into reality before people say something like good for you or you didnt strike me as one. I am normaly a positive person but this is nagging me as I go around lying and worse making a fool of myself. What can I do ?
April 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Hi Matthew,
You said that you have supersonic hearing and can hear people comment that you are gay as you pass them by. There is nothing wrong or strange about someone who is gay, so I would be surprised if random people are commenting amongst themselves that you look or are gay.
Just to rule out one obvious possibility, are you taking drugs of any kind? The reason I ask is that people in the early stages of schizophrenia, or who have mild schizophrenia, often think that they have extraordinary hearing and can therefore hear other people talking about them.
Usually this comes in the form of hearing someone make comments about what they doing or how they look. Typically this happens to people who do not have a strong social network.
This type of drug induced schizophrenia will usually disappear sometime after stopping the drug, and/or building up a good group of friends which make you feel valued and important.
In terms of you suddenly telling someone you are gay in the middle of a conversation, there may be several reasons for this.
I will share with you a few of my own thoughts, but usually you will know the answer yourself as I think you do.
1 - You may be gay, or repressing your homosexuality. In other words, you are fighting against who you really are because of some guilt or shame you associate with being gay.
It is often found in people who repress their true feelings/thoughts, that they experience occasional subconscious leakages or slips.
When this happens you will “accidentally” and without conscious awareness or control, talk about the thoughts/feelings you were repressing.
This can also happen in your sleep, whereby you sleep talk about the things you have been repressing, either from yourself, or others.
Because you said you tend to tell people you are gay, without meaning to do so, does seem to suggest we are dealing with the subconscious.
2 - You may be experiencing some kind of benefit from telling people you are gay. This may come in the form of getting attention from others, or even creating an identity for yourself that makes you feel valued/important.
You said you recently moved into a new area. Did this happen to you before you moved? Or did it start when you moved? If it started recently this may indicate a desire to fit it and be noticed.
3 - Another possibility could be relieving some kind of sexual anxiety. For example, by telling a woman you are gay you no longer feel pressured to pursue women and face rejection. By telling other men you are gay, you may be compensating or “excusing” a lack of women in your life.
From what you have said there definitely seems to be some kind of conflict within you. Either you are gay but have not accepted this yet, or you are experiencing some kind of benefit from being perceived as gay.
The fact that you tell people you are gay without thinking about it does seem to suggest it is coming from the subconscious.
You also seem to be aware that the clothes you wear could be the reason you are being perceived as gay, but you did not say you made an effort to dress differently.
Again, this may suggest some latent homosexuality within you, or that you enjoy the attention dressing differently gives you.
I do think that probably you are getting some kind of benefit from telling people you are gay. This is actually quite common, where someone may do or say something they consciously dislike, yet they continue to do it over and over again because of some subconscious secondary gain.
If you do not have a strong social network (i.e. lots of friends) then your secondary gain may be the extra attention you get from telling people you are gay.
Even though you may feel foolish afterwards, you have satisfied that need for attention/recognition from others. This is just one possible gain, there may be others.
Another explanation could be that if in fact lots of people are saying you look gay, then you may subconsciously feel under pressure to conform and adopt that identity.
In other words, if enough people tell you that you are gay, eventually you will begin to believe it or feel that you should act gay even though you know you are not.
However be absolutely certain that people are in fact calling you gay. You said when you moved into your new place many people thought you were gay. Yet later you said that when you tell people you are gay they reply “good for you” or “you didn’t strike me as one”.
This suggests that most people don’t see being gay as a big deal or didn’t think you were gay in the first place. Which then asks the question, why would you think so many people thought you were gay?
Has anyone actually come and told you directly to your face that you are gay? Or is it purely as a result of your “supersonic hearing”? If it is the later, you may be experiencing early/mild schizophrenia.
So what can you do?
The first thing I would suggest is that if you are taking or smoking any kind of drug, to stop. If in fact your “supersonic hearing” is a result of drug induced schizophrenia, then stopping the drug will stop/reduce any paranoia or thoughts that you are hearing people talk about you.
Next determine if your subconscious leaks (such as you telling people you are gay) is a result of any suppressed homosexual desires.
Ask yourself if you find other men attractive? Do you have sexual fantasies about other men? Have you had many girlfriends? Do you think there is anything wrong with being gay, that could be causing you to suppress your true feelings? Why do you dress in a way that makes people think you are gay?
After that have a look at the following article, and try to discover any secondary gains you may be experiencing from telling people you are gay.
http://www.eruptingmind.com/communicating-subconscious-nlp/
Are you benefiting from the extra attention? Do you feel special because of it? Is it helping to make you feel unique or give you a new identity? Is it helping you to get noticed in a new place? These are just some possible questions you could ask.
If you discover a secondary gain, try to come up with a suitable way to replace that need as detailed in the article.
I would also suggest trying to monitor your conversations with other people, and notice when and why you suddenly tell someone you are gay.
Maybe you feel uncomfortable talking to someone? Maybe the conversation is running dry? Whatever it is, try to be more observant when it happens to you. To stop it happening in the short term, try to talk less and listen more carefully.
Train yourself to think before you speak, rather than just blurting out the first thing that comes into your mind.
If you need help with anything else, just let me know.
April 20th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Thanks for your reply. I used to do drugs for around 5 years on a daily basis, however only mild drugs such as cannabis and it newer gave me any problems.
Stopped around 6 months ago.
Maybe it did me a bit paranoid about cops but nothing more than one could expect from someone commiting an act of crime.
When I was 5 years I developed OCD in a religious form.
Altough i do not consider myself religious nor does my family.
I was however able to subdue this completly after around 6 months. I managed the seemingly impossible task of not thinking of anything and not just for
minutes or hours ,in fact I did so for years until I became around 20 I honestly hadent tougth a single tougth.
I operated on reflex and emotion and this worked out rely well , I was funny intelligent and I could get any girl in the world, or at least it felt that way.
At one time I was dating 5 girls at the same time, why? because I could, not as a compensation for something, I write this for you to not make uncorrect
asumptions as I unfortunatly no a bit to much about pyshology.
Anywys I feel in love with one of the girls and we stayed together for 3 years. I cheated on her as hell but I still loved her, the cheating was more like a
sex thing and I only made love to her as if she was the only one. Anyways she dumped me after 3 years , with good reason as well(cheating). I was devistated
and it took me 2 years to get over her, I still check her facebook every now and then so maybe I am not completly over her yet.
However at some point I felt that if i went around not thinking for the rest of my life it would make me stupid. Altough I envied the people that could think I was afraid to fall back into OCD. However I gave it a shot. I shouldnt have , in fact I have so much trouble focusing that I sometimes have trouble focusing and thinking of something simple as a red apple it becomes green and so on.
Now living where I used to live before I newer had such troubles , I had some anxiety probably because of drug use but nothing more than many other people experience being a user of cannabis on a daily basis. When it comes to supersonic hearing yes I know I have to some degree a mind that sometimes thinks beyond what is real, but I also now I have extremly well hearing as I have sevral times confronted
people with what I have heard and made them imbarresed as they are confronted with what they have said and admit it as well. I have a large network of friends from were I used to live and a network of around 30-40 friends were I live now. 2 or 3 in which I care for the most. However I used to be a very social person, I no longer am.
One is partualy do to the fact that I dont want to make myself look a fool another is the fact that I actually in many ways enjoy being for myself, I am a
bit of an inventor and quite good with anything mechanical or technical which psychologicly wise often would imply a person more or less introvert. Altough I
am not, only until recently that is. This I think ruls out the fact I could be doing it for attention etc.
I personly dont mind being alone in fact I like it and I have asked myself if this is the reson why I say I am Gay, it migth be but I dont think so. When it
comes to being gay or not my public opinion about homsexuality is that it is something wrong but nothing more than that either. I dont hate them and I dont
like them, altough I actually used to say “well actually I love them it means i get more girls and less competition. Personaly I dont care were people prefer
to stik it for me it doesent rely matter, so why should i even be saying it as if it was a big deal? I wouldnt have a problem to say to myself I was Gay if I
was, maybe 3 months ago it would have been difficult but this problem has been naging me so long I am almost willing to do anything to get it out of the way.
Iv even tried looking at gay porn but it doesent arause me, somehow I feel deep down I migth be bisexual but then again how can I be if Gay porn does not arause me, yes it migth be something subdue deep in my unconciusness , but I dont realy believe that. Then i read that 8 of the 10 most common
sexual fantasies is having sex with the same sex. But why does not gay porn then arause me In fact I think it looks silly. Whilst looking at girls makes me
araused. My biggest fear now is newer being able to get a girl again because of my situation. I used to be the biggest player now I cant get nothing. Iv tried going back into the none thinkinh stage were thinks is goin good for me. It works great but I am afraid of saying something stupid and that keeps my thinking process up.
April 20th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Btw in regards of the way I dress, yes I did make an effort to change I started wearing jeans again and so on. Normaly i like to dress clasical, nice, a shirt dockers and trainers , however after using jeans and t shirts for a few weeks I came to the conlusion, why should I adapt if this is the way i like to dress in shirts and dockers than this is the way I should dress. Maybe not wery Gay looking but being only 24 years and living in a place were people tend to dress like shit it may have been persieved in such manner.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:25 am
Hi Matt,
There was a report I read awhile ago about long term cannabis use being linked to schizophrenia, so that is something which may be playing a role in your current situation.
You said you stopped smoking cannabis around 6 months ago. Did you start telling people you were gay when you stopped cannabis?
Also you did say that you have good hearing and embarrassed some people by overhearing them, however has anyone actually told you that you look or are gay directly to your face? Or do you just think that you have overheard people saying that?
What i am thinking is that if you do have some form of mild schizophrenia from your cannabis use, you may have thought you heard lots of people commenting you are gay, and then either consciously or subconsciously acquired this belief making you feel that you need to tell people you are gay before they say that you are gay.
Cannabis use can also cause paranoia, so this may have fueled your suspicions that people are calling you gay. Long term cannabis use can also reduce motivation, which may explain why you are now an introvert when once you were extremely extroverted.
It is difficult for me to say exactly what the issue is here, but from what you have described about yourself, your symptoms do seem to be consistent with long term cannabis usage.
I would also like to comment about your OCD when you were a child, and how you overcame this by not thinking any thoughts for several years. I do find this hard to believe, because if you were 5 years old and didn’t think until you were 20 (that’s 15 years), how did you get by at school? How did you learn? How did you become intelligent?
Although i don’t doubt you reduced the amount of thoughts you had, but to eliminate them completely would be extremely difficult.
Even trained mediators who have mediated for several years required lots of training to still their mind, so that they can be free of thought. What about dreams? Did you not have any dreams? For they also require thought, as do emotions.
However if it was the case that you consciously did not think for 15 years, this seems to suggest some kind of hypnotic trance. I would seriously consider the possibility that you may have been a victim of mind control, where your mind was fragmented in order to create alternate personalities within you.
Mind control victims often begin as members of cults or religious groups, and usually display an obsession towards that group.
People who become victims of mind control tend to “snap” out of their programming around the ages of 20-30. A well trained hypnotist may be able to regress you to your past to help you discover if this occurred to you. This is something you may wish to explore.
In terms of your inability to concentrate, this may be due to many factors. Although the most likely factors based on what you have said may be 1) your long term cannabis use 2) watching lots of TV (especially TV/films involving lots of action scenes) and 3) not thinking for 15 years. In addition to this your diet will also play a role in how well you can think and concentrate.
As I am sure you are very well aware, the brain requires constant simulation in order to grow and stay healthy. The factors i listed above would not result in a healthy active brain, which may explain why you have trouble focusing.
You mentioned something about your ex girlfriend and the fact that you do not feel completely over her yet. Obviously this has caused you a lot of pain if it took you 2 years to get over her, which brings up the possibility that you are now engaging in self sabotaging behavior by telling people you are gay.
One of the ways self sabotage can develop is by some pain you have learnt to associate with change in your life. When you split up with your girlfriend I assume your life changed, and with this change came pain.
It is interesting that now you have made a new change in your life (moving to a new location) you have started telling people you are gay for no apparent reason. This new change in your life may therefore be causing you to sabotage yourself, to prevent any perceived pain you have subconsciously associated with change in the past.
Maybe if you can finally accept the break up, then you may be able to stop this sabotage. As i think it is clear, as you yourself said, that you still have feelings for your ex.
You said you now have a network of around 30-40 friends, I consider that to be a very large number, especially considering you have moved into a new area. Yet you say that you do not consider yourself to be a very social person now. Surely if you have that many friends you must be a very sociable person. I know i do not have as many friends as you.
If you do prefer being by yourself now, and are an introvert when once you were very extroverted, this may be due to smoking cannabis, which as i said previously, can make people become introverted where they will now prefer their own company.
I do agree with you that you are probably not telling people you are gay so that you can be alone, since you already have a large network of friends so you obviously enjoy being with people (and have excellent social skills) yet you also enjoy spending time by yourself. A classic extroverted introvert! And that’s absolutely normal, I am the same. I like being around other people, but I also value spending time by myself doing what i want.
You have said that you view homosexuality as wrong, and this is consistent with your previous religious obsession when you were younger.
You have also said you looked at gay porn, and suspect you may be bisexual. You may have even masturbated while fantasizing over another man? Yet you say that you are not gay, these 2 opposing viewpoints may be causing you some conflict.
On the one hand you think that homosexuality is wrong (possibly a view instilled/reinforced during your childhood obsession with religion). On the other hand it appears you have sexual thoughts regarding members of the same sex. It is interesting that you suspect you may be bisexual, because this point of view sits directly in the middle of your 2 opposing viewpoints.
I think this may be where your conflict is coming from. First of all there is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, in fact many man are bisexual. Whereby they find women attractive, and certain males also attractive. They are also likely to find many women sexually desirable but maybe only one or two men attractive.
It seems you know yourself very well, and often the best psychologist is yourself. If you think you are bisexual, is this because you have fantasized over another male? What is the reason for this suspicion? Because you may fantasize over one particular male, does not make you gay or even mean that you find gay porn arousing.
Many “bisexual” men often never act out their fantasies and therefore are not true bisexuals in the truest sense of the word. However because of the way society views homosexuality this may cause them to feel that they must be bisexual (or gay), even though their bisexuality was purely mental.
Also because homosexuality tends to be viewed in a negative light, these people may repress their feelings because of the guilt or shame they may associate with it. Of course, this will vary depending on your culture and location. In ancient Greece for example, homosexuality was considered perfectly normal, and many men had male and female partners.
So what i am saying is that if indeed you do/have fantasized about a member of the same sex, the prevailing societal views may have lead you to believe you are gay. And although you say you would not have a problem admitting you were gay if you were gay, you also stated earlier that you thought it was wrong. So would you really not have a problem admitting you were gay if you were?
I do feel there seems to be some conflict in you, and you seem to be repressing something. Even though you have watched gay porn and possibly had sexual thoughts about the same sex, you are not quite admitting bisexuality as you said you “somehow feel deep down you might be bisexual”.
I would suggest that if you think you “might” be, you are, and that you should admit and accept this. Accepting that you find a certain male or males attractive does not make you gay (if you also find women attractive).
Remember, this is perfectly normal and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this so you should feel no shame about it.
I do see your confusion if you do not find gay porn arousing. But i would ask do you find all “regular” porn arousing? Probably not. Everyone has their own unique turn-ons. What may turn one person on, may turn another off.
This definitely seems to be causing confusion within you, as you asked twice why gay porn does not arouse you. I got the impression that you were trying to find an answer as to why you find men (or a certain male) sexually attractive, and perhaps fantasized about them, and feel confused because you do not find gay porn arousing.
The lack of a girlfriend in your life may be causing these “bisexual” thoughts, as some form of sexual compensation.
If you want to overcome your fear do not fear it. By fearing something you only give more energy to it, thereby making it worse. The more you run from your fears, the faster they will chase you.
To overcome your situation I would suggest resolving any sexual conflicts you may have within you. Recognize that even though you may have fantasized over another male, that does not make you gay or even bisexual.
Some people call it “bicurious”, whereby you are curious about the same sex but still predominantly find the opposite sex more attractive.
Bisexuality is becoming increasingly common in today’s society. Some suspect this is due to the effect of chemicals in plastics and water that are affecting both men and women. This is causing men to become more feminine and women to become more masculine. If you are interested in finding out more about this listen to “the future of men” in the free audio section on this site.
Once you can resolve this conflict and truly become comfortable with your own sexuality and sexual fantasies, i suspect you will stop accidentally telling people you are gay. As i said in my original reply to you, often when people blurt things out without thinking about them, it is because they have been repressing it. Sooner or later it will come out, and they will not have any conscious control over it.
Here is a suggestion you may wish to try. Get a recording device and for several nights record yourself whilst you sleep. If possible get a voice activated tape recorder that will automatically start recording whenever it hears any sound.
The purpose of this is to record any sleep talk that occurs at night. What you say in your sleep, will often be what you are repressing and not fully admitting to yourself. This should then tell you exactly what you need to resolve in yourself.
Do not fear your situation. I believe anything in life can be reversed, so never assume something will never happen. Accept your current situation and recognize you are where you are purely because of your own actions in the past. You are responsible for your life, and so are responsible for the situation you are currently in.
Learn from it, and use it to make you a stronger person. Everyone has setbacks in life, but it is how you deal with those setbacks that ultimately defines who you are and who you become.
You seem to be very good at analyzing yourself from a psychological perspective, so i am extremely confident in your ability to overcome this situation.
As a final note, I completely agree with you in terms of what you wear. What you choose to wear is entirely up to you, and should be an expression of yourself. You should not change how you look because of what other people think. Personally i do not consider what you like to wear to be even remotely gay, it sounds completely normal to me.
If people dress poorly where you live, and they are calling you gay for dressing differently, it may simply be out of envy or because you do not appear to be “one of them”. Either way i would not give it much thought, and if someone mocks you based on what you wear why would you want to know them anyway?